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Writing Samples
Band 7

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often said that the ultimate goal of
science
Use synonyms
 is to make humans’ lives better. In my opinion, I believe
with
Change preposition
apply
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this
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 point of view because
science
Use synonyms
 helps to eliminate false notions
besides
Linking Words
 improving the quality of life.
To begin
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 with, the advent of
science
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 has transformed our lives in a positive way, particularly our health. A good example of
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
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 is the development of
Covid 19
Replace the word
COVID-19
show examples
 vaccines. Prior to their invention, colossal numbers of people passed away on the grounds that their bodies didn’t have antibodies to combat the virus. Thanks to scientific development, medical companies like Pfizer provided vaccinations for residents in 2020, which helped to boost their immune systems to fight against novel viruses.
As a result
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, everyone can now go to the park without wearing masks or using hand sanitiser.
In addition
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, the existence of
science
Use synonyms
 can help to eradicate superstitions prevailing in the society. To illustrate, people in ancient times held a belief that bats entering the house meant death and
this
Linking Words
 was considered to be a bad omen.
However
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,
according to
Linking Words
 studies conducted by scientists, bats contain a deadly virus called Nipah, which results in severe syndromes
such
Linking Words
 as delirium, tremors, and violent coughing. With that being said, those who live close to bats are more likely to get infected by its pathogens. In conclusion, the assumption that
science
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 is merely a tool for humans to live easier is not sufficient. In fact,
science
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 omits false beliefs in a population, and it enables us not to mislead ourselves into doing something wrong.

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structure
The essay structure is sound, and you've done a good job of providing clear and relevant examples to support your points. However, there is minor room for improvement. Be sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph before moving on to the next one. The connectivity between the first and second body paragraph is a bit loose.
vocabulary
While your vocabulary is generally good, there is scope for better use of advanced vocabulary and semantic precision. For instance, 'colossal numbers of people' could be more effectively communicated using a phrase like 'an immense number of people'.
grammar
Your grammar is generally of a high standard, though I spotted a few minor issues. For example, 'medical companies like Pfizer provided vaccinations for residents in 2020', could be better written as 'medical companies, such as Pfizer, provided vaccines to residents in 2020'. Ensure to use the correct punctuation while writing complex sentences.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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