IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, equality between genders is a controversial topic and universities want to ensure
this
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. I think that they should accept an equal number of males and females in the subjects to promote equal opportunity.
However
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, for the physical subjects, it would be better to have more men. For several decades, educational institutions
such
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 as schools and universities have attempted to treat male and female students equally. It can be achieved by having an equal number of people of different genders in each class. The effect is that students do not feel better or worse based on their sex, and they become more aware of the importance of equal rights.
For example
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, Germany's Minister of Equality, Adolf Müller, published a graph in the national newspaper showing how, since colleges adopted these practices, people take equal opportunity more seriously.
Nevertheless
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, gender fairness in educational
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
 cannot always be guaranteed.
While
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 it is essential in scientific and literary fields, it is not so easy in those requiring a certain level of physical fitness. Genetically, males tend to be stronger than women and are better prepared to pass some rather tough physical tests. To be a firefighter or police officer, men are more qualified for the position
due to
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 the demanding nature of these jobs,
although
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 some women
also
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 pass these tests.
For instance
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, the INE (National Institute of Statistics and Census) shows that police and firefighter positions are held by gentlemen 90% of the time.
To conclude
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, parity in university modules is essential to make people more aware of inequality, but some subjects are more likely to have men because of physical demands.

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task achievement
Expand your introduction to clearly outline your position and the main points you will discuss. This will help the reader understand your argument better.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea; this will improve the logical flow of your ideas.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or data for your claims, particularly regarding gender representation in various subjects. This will strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to link your ideas between sentences and paragraphs more effectively to enhance coherence. Transition words can help with this.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed a complex issue and provided a balanced view, recognizing both sides of the argument.
task achievement
Your essay contains relevant examples, such as the statistic regarding police and firefighter positions, which helps support your points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
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