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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram bellow shows the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building processes.

The diagram bellow shows the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building processes.
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The diagrams illustrate the way in which
cement
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 is made and how it is
then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 used in the process of making concrete.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, limestone and clay pass through four stages before being bagged
ready
Correct word choice
and ready

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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 for use as
cement
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 which accounts for 15% of the four materials used to produce concrete.
While
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the process of making
cement
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 uses a number of tools, the production of concrete requires only a concrete mixer. In the first stage of making
cement
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, limestone and clay are crushed together to form a powder.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 powder is
then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 combined in a mixer before passing into a rotating heater which has constant heat applied at one end of the tube. The resulting mixture is ground in order to produce
cement
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. The final product is afterwards put into bags ready to be used. Regarding the second diagram, concrete
consist
Change the verb form
consists

The plural verb consist does not appear to agree with the singular subject concrete. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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 of mainly grave, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are

It seems that the verb is does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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 small stones, and
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 makes up 50% of the ingredients. The other materials used are sand (25%),
cement
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 (15%), and water (10%). These are all poured into a concrete mixer which continually rotates to combine the materials and ultimately produces concrete.

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cement with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagrams" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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