IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games .what are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children?

#people #access #computers #children #video #games
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In Today's society computers are part of almost every adult's daily routine including raising their children.
While
Linking Words
 the majority of children spend time playing video
games
Use synonyms
 as part of their leisure hours, outdoor activities are largely reduced. It is very clear that
this
Linking Words
 factor will directly impact how kids will socialize in the future creating some advantages and disadvantages for them.
Overall
Linking Words
, every kid from the 21st Century knows how computers work and they play video
games
Use synonyms
 as an entertainer. Is it true that computer
games
Use synonyms
 are an easy way for parents to keep them busy since they don't occupy a lot of space
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 In addition, there are many of them are very interactive,
therefore
Linking Words
, the hours spent in front of a computer become less sedentary.
Additionally
Linking Words
, video
games
Use synonyms
 normally help develop a strategy which is really beneficial for the development of the brain ,especially at an early age.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are many disadvantages for those generations spending much time on their screens. The main one is vision health problems, where research proves that 80% of children born in 2010 had to wear glasses at the age of 1, and the 100% of the cases their vision keeps on getting worse. Another fact to consider is the lack of early-age social interaction, which an overdose of gaming affects their communication skills in adulthood. It is important to consider that computers can not be removed from young generations,
therefore
Linking Words
, adults will have to learn how to find a balance between the real and virtual world to assure their health.
Submitted by celinedoultremontt on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: