IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some believe that modern technology is increasing the gap between rich and poor people, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#believe #technology #gap #people
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It
Correct pronoun usage
There
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 is no doubt that modern
technology
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 has a profound impact on our
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Modern
technology
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 makes our
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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easier
as well as
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 more productive. Some
people
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 believe that modern
technology
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 diminishes the gap between rich and poor
people
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,
however
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, other
people
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 believe that the huge differences between them are increased
as a result
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 of technological advancements. In the following, we will draw attention to both sides and
then
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 I will show why I totally agree with the first argument.
First,
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technology
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 changes every aspect of our
life
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 including education and health. Nowadays, the poor population can access tremendous free educational resources using the Internet.
Hence
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,more and more individuals would be educated and
hence
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 can get a better job or salary. In
this
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 way, poor a person can become rich if he can master and be an expert in a specific field. The Internet makes the education process available for all society and
thus
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 would decrease the hole between them.
Secondly
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,
technology
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 provides a great platform for meetings and chatting with
people
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 around the world.
People
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 around the world can talk,speak, and discuss with each other regardless if they are rich or poor. Turning to the negative side,
technology
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 could enhance dramatically the
life
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 of a wealthy society. Wealthy communities have the money to buy advanced appliances
such
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 as smart houses and cars.
Technology
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 in
this
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 case would increase the difference between them. In
this
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 case, the
people
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 would touch the importance of money in their
life
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 and
therefore
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 the poor society would touch the difference between the convenient
life
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 of the rich community and the complex
life
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 of the poor community.
To sum up
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, there are many advantages of
technology
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 for poor
people
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,
however
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, there are some disadvantages.
However
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, I totally agree that technological developments reduce the gap between
people
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 because it provides many ways for
people
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 to educate and
thus
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can
Verb problem
apply
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gain a job with a higher salary.
Submitted by fmalquran112 on

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task response
The content of the essay addressed the prompt, but the clear position on the issue wasn't maintained throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay had a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the development of the main points lacked coherence and structure, leading to confusion.
lexical resource
The range of vocabulary is adequate, but the imprecise use of words and limited variety affected the clarity and precision of expression.
grammatical range
The essay included a mix of simple and complex sentences, but there were frequent errors in sentence structure and word choice.
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