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Band 4.5

Some people think that only the government can make significant changes in the society, while others think that individuals can have alot of influence. What is your opinion?

#people #government #changes #society #individuals #alot #influence
It is no doubt that the
society
 needs a notable
different
Replace the word
difference
show examples
.
Therefore
 it continues to be controversial if it is only the governing bodies that can make
this
 difference. I am of the opinion that
reverse
Correct article usage
the reverse
show examples
 is the case as each
person
Change noun form
person's
show examples
 actions can have lots of
effect
Change to a plural noun
effects
show examples
 as I will discuss in
this
 essay. Every citizen of a
society
 can contribute to making the world at large a
save
Replace the word
safe
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 haven for humans. One of the major
influence
Fix the agreement mistake
influences
show examples
 an individual can have is inculcating a standard of behaviour that can help to maintain
fabric
Add an article
the fabric
show examples
 of
society
. These attitudes include associating with others regardless of their age in a respectful and compassionate way, inter-tribal
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 and communication in a non-prejudicial way amongst others. To add,
according
Add the preposition
toaccording
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 the saying "be your brother's keeper", people may make it a duty and obligation to watch out for untoward behaviours in the community.
For example
, stealing, delinquency, truancy, kidnapping amongst others. It is said that if men and women monitor their environment well, violent and criminal activities will become less prevalent as the fear of being caught will be instilled in criminals. Supporters of the administration being the main key to societal change claim that
lawbreakers
Add a verb
arelawbreakers
werelawbreakers
show examples
 only subject to higher authorities.
As a result
, rulers should be directly involved in convicting offenders by making laws against negative activities and building highly secured prisons and jails for the convicted.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, financial expenses to keep the environments sane are said to be unaffordable for private bodies or individuals.
However
,
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
 revenues of a country can be diverted to
this
 area so that measures to curb the increasing crime rate can be implemented. Conclusively,
although
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it seems the government have a role to play in making a considerable modification to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
. Notwithstanding, people singularly can have positive influences through
delibrate
Correct your spelling
deliberate
 actions.
Submitted by asaoluolayemi5 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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