IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

These days, older people who have retired often choose to spend money on themselves rather than save money for their children. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #money #children #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Lately, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that retired
parents
Use synonyms
 often choose to use their
money
Use synonyms
 on themselves rather than keep their
money
Use synonyms
 for their
children
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 it can be a negative development, I think it is a completely positive development for the following two reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 try to live by themselves independently with a strong position because their
parents
Use synonyms
don’t
Use synonyms
 tend to support their
life
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 means their
parents
Use synonyms
 think about spending
money
Use synonyms
 by themselves unlike saving
money
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
. If their
parents
Use synonyms
 keep
money
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
, they
don’t
Use synonyms
 go out to enjoy their
life
Use synonyms
 not to spend
money
Use synonyms
 and they might start to bother
children
Use synonyms
’s
life
Use synonyms
. National Research in 2020 shows that 10% of
children
Use synonyms
 live with their
parents
Use synonyms
 whose
parents
Use synonyms
 keep their
money
Use synonyms
 for their
children
Use synonyms
, compared to 90% of
children
Use synonyms
 who live by themselves whose
parents
Use synonyms
don’t
Use synonyms
 do that.
As a result
Linking Words
, spending
money
Use synonyms
 by
parents
Use synonyms
that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 earned by themselves has a positive impact on
children
Use synonyms
 living independently.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the area where the old
people
Use synonyms
 enjoy their
life
Use synonyms
 is popular to move in and live in because they focus on living their
life
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, local society would be energetic and tend to go out to meet their friend or travel.
For instance
Linking Words
, the data from Tokyo University shows that old
people
Use synonyms
 who spend their
money
Use synonyms
 after retiring tend to join the local festival and be cooperative to do with other local
people
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the well-being degree was higher than those who
don’t
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, the town would be vivid and
people
Use synonyms
 who live in other areas tend to think about moving there. In conclusion, there are two reasons which explain why spending
money
Use synonyms
 is a positive development. One is because their
children
Use synonyms
 tend to live independently, and the other one is because the society where old
people
Use synonyms
 enjoy their
life
Use synonyms
 using their
money
Use synonyms
 is popular to move in and live.
Submitted by loud.music.n on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: