IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. Why is this happening, and what mesures can be taken to tackle this problem?

#offenders #crimes #first #punishment #mesures
In current times, after their first ,punishment the number of crimes increases when they come out of bars. Cause of
such
 issue is the lack of rehabilitation programmes in prison and the lack of development of social and technical
skills
 during their
jail
 term. I will discuss them in an essay with appropriate solutions.
Firstly
, the main reason behind
this
 issue is the lack of availability of rehabilitation programs whilst they are behind bars.
Furthermore
, they are not given the opportunity to develop their social and technical
skills
.
Instead
 of developing their ,
skills
Add a comma
,skills
show examples
 they are involved in establishing new contacts with other criminals and after completing their term, they are going deep into
crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
 world.
Secondly
, they have no employment opportunities when they came out of
jail
. Take ,
for instance
, a repast,
is
Correct pronoun usage
who is
show examples
 obligated to write his past crime in his resume so they mostly not will fit in the job market.
On the other hand
, authorities can prevent them by making and implementing laws related to
such
 issues.
Additionally
, the government should work on moral grounds and introduce some programmes to enhance their moral value .
Furthermore
, prison management can give them training on some useful
skills
 which will help them to get employed in future when they come out of
jail
.
In addition
, officers must have
checks
Change the verb form
checked
show examples
 for some time on their activities who are released from
jail
 in the near past. In conclusion,
this
 is a threatening problem but can be tackled by taking the necessary steps.
Submitted by sumairanjum60 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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