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Writing Samples
Band 5

There are many zoos in many different countries these days. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

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At the moment, there are a variety of
zoos
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 in various places in the world. In my opinion, I think
this
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 is because
zoos
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 have become a business for some governments and organizations,
also
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 it has become a destination for some learners.
Moreover
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, I think
this
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 is cruel and harsh, and it is for sure brings so many drawbacks.
Firstly
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, the
number
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 of
zoos
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 in countries increasing
due to
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 the fact that it is one of the businesses that can bring
money
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 for those who are in charge.
In other words
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, when hunters hunt
animals
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, they put them in a cage, they let people come and see the
animals
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. To put it simply, they will set an amount of
money
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 in order for these
animals
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, and
this
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money
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 may be a high amount of
money
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, especially, if these
animals
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 or species are endangered. Another reason why the
number
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 of
zoos
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 is climbing is that
zoos
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 are considered the perfect place to learn about
animals
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, especially for primary school students.
In addition
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, children and students are able to learn faster if they visit the animal itself and learn the physical structure of the animal
such
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 as monkeys or a certain kind of bird.
As well as
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,
this
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 will be fun for them, and it will not make them feel bored.
Finally
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, the rapid rise in the
number
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 of
zoos
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 in the world may
bring
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a negative effect on the
animals
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. Keeping an animal in captivity is truly harmful and harsh for them.
This
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 is to say,
this
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 will prevent them from being free and take their freedom away.
Additionally
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,
this
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 could affect their natural habits. Namely, when
animals
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 are released, they will never adapt to the new environment owing to the less adoption of the new environment and will
make
Verb problem
put
show examples
 them in danger. In conclusion, it can be disadvantageous to keep
animals
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 in
zoos
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 and
this
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 will destroy their natural habits. If the
number
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 of
zoos
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 decreased,
this
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 would be better for
animals
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 and their nature.

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task response
The essay shows some relevant points, but the response is not fully developed. The reasons for the increase in the number of zoos are mentioned, but the evaluation of whether this is a positive or negative development is not clearly presented.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack clarity and structure. The supporting main points are somewhat relevant, but the coherence and cohesion could be improved by organizing the ideas more clearly.
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