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Band 7.5

Leisure is a growing Industry, but people no longer entrertain themselfe as much as they used to because the use of modern technology has made them less creative. What is your opinion?

#leisure #industry #people #entrertain #themselfe #technology
It is true that, having
entertainment
 in the free
time
 of
people
 times is increasing, but some
people
 prefer to
use
technology
 in their free
time
. I agree to
use
 it reduces their motivation for improving their creativity. To my mind, there are several ways for having
entertainment
 in our leisure
time
 if we can have a better plan for it.
Also
, the
people
 have the main role in
this
 planning, the government is the main factor for creating a suitable situation or place, where they acquire a profoundly great feel on
this
time
.
For example
, building numerous
entertainment
 places
such
 as cinemas, libraries, museums, safari, shopping centres, amusement parks, and stuff like
this
, that are
according to
 the interest's
people
. Actually, these places should be had safety and security for everyone. Because the children and younger more
use
 it in their leisure
time
 .
otherwise
; they will face to a dangerous situation.
However
, some
people
 tend to stay at home and
use
 more
technology
 in their free
time
, because of their comfort. It is that, for some
people
, the more using of facilities and
technology
, the more satisfaction in their life because more of them like more alone. It is not that, they do not have any communication with other
people
, but they prefer to rest at home maybe, because of their hard work during the week. In my mind, choosing
this
 kind of lifestyle would be no help to them for a long
time
, because,
firstly
, their motivation for creativity will be reduced.
Secondly
, their mental health is at risk.
For instance
, depression and sadness and boredom are its results.
On the other hand
, predicting spending more
time
 among
people
 withholding group
entertainment
 help
people
 to achieve pleasure feeling in their lifestyle if they have an excellent plan for it in every free
time
according to
 their interest. In conclusion, I agree, that using
technology
 to replace spending
time
 with other
people
 can be harmful to
people
's creativity in their leisure
time
 as much as used to it.
Submitted by Pegahghaderi85 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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