These days, there are many zoos in many different countries these days. What are the reasons for it? Is this a negative or positive development?

The remarkable increase in the numbers of
zoos
in the
countries
for scientific and economic.
Also
, having large numbers of
zoos
gives us several benefits which can be economic or informational, so it can be a positive development.
Firstly
,
scientists
study a lot of
animals
every day, so to make their discoveries noticed, we usually build places to keep the
animals
, especially if the
scientists
want to study and show us how the
animals
communicate and how they live together in another area.
In other words
, the sea cultures communicate together by a voice inaudible to mankind which can be recorded by a new technology made by humans. Either studying the incredible
animals
or keeping them in
zoos
can give
scientists
new information by observing them. Another reason for upsurging
zoos
Fix the agreement mistake
zoo
show examples
numbers is the economic benefits that come from the tourists who come for a vacation or any reason or it can be from the local people who live in the same city or the same country. Actually, many
countries
consider to be the best
countries
in tourism, and there are several reasons to consider them the best but one of the main reasons is they have an amusing number of
zoos
.
For example
in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia there is a well-known zoo which is called Zoo Negara and a lot of tourists from all over the world come here regularly which eventually helps the country boost the economy.
Finally
, keeping
animals
in
zoos
does not mean we do not take care of them. In fact, many
countries
ban bad treatment of
animals
, which means there are not any problems with keeping them under observation. At the same time, humanity benefits from them in ways that are harmless to them. When the creatures are in wildlife, absolutely they are not as safe as in
zoos
. I think the governments are not doing something illegal by building the
zoos
, so there is no damage by saving them in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
beautiful
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
like
zoos
. Because of the
rising
Replace the word
rise
show examples
of
zoos
, a lot of medicines have been discovered by
scientists
who studied wildlife creatures in a safe place which can be the
zoos
. In conclusion, it can be exciting for people to watch the
animals
without any danger to their lives. If
scientists
continue their
hardworking
Correct word choice
hard work
show examples
to study rare
animals
, we can take advantage of the amazing discoveries which can improve our lives better than now with intelligent inventions.
Submitted by s_syedy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons for the increase in the number of zoos and whether this is a positive or negative development. However, some points are not fully developed and the response lacks depth and complexity.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a logical structure, but the introduction and conclusion need to be more developed. Additionally, the essay needs better transitions between ideas and paragraphs for better coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: