IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason to doing this? is this a negative or positive development?

#parents #pressure #children #reason #development
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It is certainly true that today many
parents
Use synonyms
 put a lot of
pressure
Use synonyms
Change preposition
on
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
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 their offspring in
order
Use synonyms
 to become successful. In my opinion, there are several reasons behind
this
Linking Words
perssure
Correct your spelling
pressure
, I believe
this
Linking Words
 trend can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to detrimental consequences
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
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. On the one hand, there are a number of explanations why many families put a huge
pressre
Correct your spelling
pressure
 on their
children
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some
parents
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 believe if they put
a
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apply
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stress
in
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on
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 their
children
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this
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 can force
children
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 to perform well in school, which means they can achieve higher grades in
order
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 to become
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
 later in their future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
For example
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, most
parents
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 desire their
children
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 to enter medicine or engineering college , which these majors
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
 hard work and good marks
on
Change preposition
in
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 high school.
Secondly
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, some
parents
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 put
a
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apply
show examples
pressure
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 on their
children
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 in
order
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in
Change preposition
to
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 prove to their relatives they have intelligent
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
.
For instance
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, some
parents
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 force their
children
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 to engage in sports competitions
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 football,
tennis
Correct word choice
and tennis
show examples
 in
order
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 to bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fame to
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
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familiy
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family
,
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apply
show examples
and
showed
Wrong verb form
show
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 to their
communtiy
Correct your spelling
community
 they have
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 child.
However
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, in my perspective,
this
Linking Words
pressure
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 can bring harmful outcomes to
children
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. To start with, too much
pressure
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 can
make
Verb problem
put
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children
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 under
pressure
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 all the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
, which means
children
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 are more likely to develop mental health issues namely,
deperession
Correct your spelling
depression
.
Furthermore
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, too much
pressure
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
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 from their
parents
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 can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to poor quality of education. To illustrate,
children
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 will more
foucs
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focus
 in
accopmlish
Correct your spelling
accomplish
 good grades rather than
gain
Wrong verb form
gaining
show examples
 information and
epxand
Correct your spelling
expand
 their
knowldege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
.
To sum up
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
families put too much
pressure
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 on their
children
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 in
order
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 to
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
become successful
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct your spelling
academic
acadmeic
Correct your spelling
academic
 life
as well as
Linking Words
 give them
sense
Add an article
a sense
show examples
 of
proud
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pride
show examples
,
On the other hand
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, I believe
this
Linking Words
 trend can
make
Verb problem
put
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 under
pressure
Use synonyms
, decrease the quality of education
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on developing a clear and focused introduction and conclusion. Ensure that your main points are well-supported with relevant examples and explanations.
task achievement
Make sure to address all aspects of the task prompt, provide comprehensive and well-developed ideas, and support them with relevant examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Excessive pressure
  • Academic achievements
  • Professional success
  • Secure future
  • Social comparison
  • Competitive environment
  • Psychological impact
  • Stress and anxiety
  • Resilience
  • Work ethic
  • Emotional well-being
  • Supportive parenting
  • Achievements
  • Life skills
  • Balance
What to do next:
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