IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason to doing this? is this a negative or positive development?

#parents #pressure #children #reason #development
It is certainly true that today many
parents
 put a lot of
pressure
Change preposition
on
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their offspring in
order
 to become successful. In my opinion, there are several reasons behind
this
perssure
Correct your spelling
pressure
, I believe
this
 trend can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to detrimental consequences
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
. On the one hand, there are a number of explanations why many families put a huge
pressre
Correct your spelling
pressure
 on their
children
.
Firstly
, some
parents
 believe if they put
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
stress
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
children
this
 can force
children
 to perform well in school, which means they can achieve higher grades in
order
 to become
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
 later in their future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
For example
, most
parents
 desire their
children
 to enter medicine or engineering college , which these majors
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
 hard work and good marks
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 high school.
Secondly
, some
parents
 put
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
pressure
 on their
children
 in
order
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 prove to their relatives they have intelligent
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
.
For instance
, some
parents
 force their
children
 to engage in sports competitions
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 football,
tennis
Correct word choice
and tennis
show examples
 in
order
 to bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fame to
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
familiy
Correct your spelling
family
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and
showed
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
 to their
communtiy
Correct your spelling
community
 they have
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 child.
However
, in my perspective,
this
pressure
 can bring harmful outcomes to
children
. To start with, too much
pressure
 can
make
Verb problem
put
show examples
children
 under
pressure
 all the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
, which means
children
 are more likely to develop mental health issues namely,
deperession
Correct your spelling
depression
.
Furthermore
, too much
pressure
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
 from their
parents
 can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to poor quality of education. To illustrate,
children
 will more
foucs
Correct your spelling
focus
 in
accopmlish
Correct your spelling
accomplish
 good grades rather than
gain
Wrong verb form
gaining
show examples
 information and
epxand
Correct your spelling
expand
 their
knowldege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
.
To sum up
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
families put too much
pressure
 on their
children
 in
order
 to
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
become successful
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct your spelling
academic
acadmeic
Correct your spelling
academic
 life
as well as
 give them
sense
Add an article
a sense
show examples
 of
proud
Replace the word
pride
show examples
,
On the other hand
, I believe
this
 trend can
make
Verb problem
put
show examples
children
 under
pressure
, decrease the quality of education
Submitted by faiz3177 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on developing a clear and focused introduction and conclusion. Ensure that your main points are well-supported with relevant examples and explanations.
task achievement
Make sure to address all aspects of the task prompt, provide comprehensive and well-developed ideas, and support them with relevant examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Excessive pressure
  • Academic achievements
  • Professional success
  • Secure future
  • Social comparison
  • Competitive environment
  • Psychological impact
  • Stress and anxiety
  • Resilience
  • Work ethic
  • Emotional well-being
  • Supportive parenting
  • Achievements
  • Life skills
  • Balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: