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Band 5.5

Some people say that the education system is the only critical factor to development of a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #education #system #factor #development #country
In
this
 world, every
children
Change to a singular noun
child
show examples
 must acquire
secondary
Add an article
a secondary
the secondary
show examples
 level of education. Individuals believe that the establishment of
nation
Add an article
a nation
the nation
show examples
 can be achieved only by educating pupils. I fully agree with the above notion. To embark with, teaching students in varied disciplines helps in developing
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
. To elaborate
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, if people living in society are literate and know how to develop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
businesses, they will provide employment opportunities to humans who are unemployed which ultimately helps in removing unemployment in
nation
Add an article
the nation
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.
Therefore
, assist in inclining the income of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
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.
For example
, a survey conducted in Canada in 2019 illustrate that 99.9%
nations
Change preposition
of nations
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 with
higher
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a higher
show examples
 proportion of educated students have greater
economy
Fix the agreement mistake
economies
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 in
this
 world.
Further
 strengthening my views, educated individuals are probably more aware of the things like how to control pollution, regulate the rules, and run
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 smoothly. Let’s take
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 example of Punjab, a small state of India which earns most of
money
Correct pronoun usage
its money
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 from crop growing and poultry farms, where 90% of politicians are uneducated. In 2021, the higher authorities started making
the
Correct article usage
apply
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laws against the farmers.
Consequently
, farmers did not grow any crops and went for protest against these laws which results in decreasing the
economy
 of that state
as well as
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
.
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the end,
government
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the government
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 has to step back.
Moreover
, if people are educated about hazards caused by pollution, they will take measures
otherwise
, they will throw litter here and there. In conclusion, education plays a crucial role in
establishment
Add an article
the establishment
show examples
 of
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
show examples
 as it
assist
Change the verb form
assists
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 in
development
Add an article
the development
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 of
economy
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the economy
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as well as
create
Wrong verb form
creating
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 awareness among individuals.
Submitted by jashanpreetmann1515 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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