The diagram illustrates the process that is used to manufacture bricks for the building industry.

The diagram illustrates the process that is used to manufacture bricks for the building industry.
This
provided diagram explains the steps by which
bricks
are made for the building industry.
Overall
, seven stages should be done to complete manufacturing of it, it starts with digging up the clay and culminating in the delivery process.
To begin
, the mud is dug up from the ground by a digger and
then
placed on a metal grid in order to break it up into small pieces.
Hence
, a roller assists in
this
action.
Next,
if the fine particles of clay, sand, and water are mixed,
this
mixture will be turned into
bricks
by either, placing them into a mould, or by cutting using a wire cutter. In the subsequent stage, the
bricks
are dried in a drying oven for one to two days,
then
; it must be heated and cooled.
Firstly
, the heating is performed in a kiln at moderate to high temperatures in a range from 200 Celsius to 1300 Celsius, after that the cooling process is carried out in a cooling chamber for about two to three days.
Finally
, the
bricks
are packed and delivered to the desired destinations.
Submitted by sm710129 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words bricks with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • diagram
  • manufacture
  • bricks
  • building industry
  • process
  • dig
  • prepare
  • clay
  • mold
  • shape
  • dry
  • fire
  • kiln
  • cool
  • package
  • fired
  • overview
  • importance
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