IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many today feel that attention spans are becoming shorter due to the prevalence of social media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#attention #prevalence #media
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Attention
Use synonyms
-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is one of the most common mental disorders affecting children. There is a supposition that the
reason
Use synonyms
 for
this
Linking Words
 mental health is from using social
media
Use synonyms
 too much
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
such
Linking Words
 a young age. For me, I do not really think that social
media
Use synonyms
 is the only thing
affects
Correct pronoun usage
that affects
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your
attention
Use synonyms
 deficit. The
reason
Use synonyms
 why I think social
media
Use synonyms
 is not the only primary
reason
Use synonyms
 for causing
attention
Use synonyms
 deficit
Add a missing verb
is
show examples
because it affects straight to your brain so there are more potential reasons like thinking negative things
while
Linking Words
 working or doing so much
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 that you can not properly take a rest. There are many negative and
unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
show examples
 things around you everywhere and
people
Use synonyms
 of all ages, so it is not surprising that
people
Use synonyms
 sometimes feel regret over both the decisions they made and the ones they didn’t. To explain
this
Linking Words
reason
Use synonyms
, the researchers had a survey on
people
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
 low to high
levels
Use synonyms
 of
stress
Use synonyms
, they saw that it
causing
Wrong verb form
causes
show examples
 you production of Cortisol
levels
Use synonyms
 in the blood which is a hormone
due to
Linking Words
 with your
stress
Use synonyms
 and create
your
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
energy (like carbs, fat and sugar). But if you have a high level of
stress
Use synonyms
, it will produce more and more Cortisol
levels
Use synonyms
 that could
wreakingly
Correct your spelling
wreaking
 havoc on your brain. From that survey, they see that
people
Use synonyms
 with high
levels
Use synonyms
 of
stress
Use synonyms
 tend to have a low memory
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
making
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
you
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
attention
Use synonyms
 and it can
also
Linking Words
 lead these
people
Use synonyms
 to memory loss ( known as Amnesia). In conclusion, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 many potentials that cause
people
Use synonyms
 with
attention
Use synonyms
 deficit not only because of social
media
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by namle.ivce on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: