IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Write at least 250 words.

#factors #child #development #media #pop #culture #friends #point #role
It is often believed by people that music, peers and other sources of
media
 affect the
growth
 of
children
.
On the other hand
, some opine that
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
 of
children
 depends on the basic skills, they learn from their
parents
 during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childhood.
While
 I strongly believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
guardians are highly responsible for the
development
 of a child into a good human being. The individuals who think that
media
,
friends
 and music are the factors responsible for the
development
 of
children
, have their own reasons. One of the major reasons is that these days, juveniles try to imitate their
friends
as well as
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 in terms of behaviour and need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 expensive toys. To elaborate, when
children
 watch advertisements of different toys on television or they find that their friend
also
 has an expensive toy, they force their
parents
 to buy the same and sometimes behave rudely with their
parents
.
For instance
, research conducted in the USA (United States of America) revealed that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
 who tend
spend
Fix the infinitive
to spend
show examples
 more time on
media
 and with
friends
 are found to be more demanding in nature than those who prefer to spend more time with their families.
Thus
,
media
 and
friends
 have
direct
Add an article
a direct
show examples
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
 on the
growth
 of
children
.
However
, I strongly believe the notion that
parents
 are mainly responsible for the
development
 of
children
’s good skills To elaborate,
parents
 are the first teacher to their
children
. Since
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
childhood,
children
 watch their
parents
 and learn different skills from them.
This
 can lead to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 great
development
 of
children
. To exemplify, a Survey was conducted in Punjab state of India, between the two groups of
children
 which showed that the group of juveniles who tend to spend most of their time with their guardians were more respectful and less demanding by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature than the other group of
children
 who were found to follow
media
. In conclusion,
although
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 is leading the changes in the
growth
 of
children
 making them more demanding, I strongly believe that
parents
 are more responsible for the
development
 of their
children
becoming
Change the verb form
to become
show examples
 great individuals in the future.
Submitted by sukhman.puchd on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • development
  • media
  • pop culture
  • peers
  • family
  • social skills
  • beliefs
  • values
  • emotional support
  • moral guidance
  • aspirations
  • self-image
  • social development
  • value system
  • harmony
  • conflict
  • significant
  • behaviors
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!