Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Physical activity is an important part of our life.
People
have various preferences for
sports
. Some of us are
team
players. Others think that individual
sports
bring more benefits. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
I will show different relations. It is more beneficial to take part in
sports
which are played in teams. It is not the primary factor, but I want to take into consideration that
team
sports
are more healthy for personal psychological status. It helps
people
to fill support and avoid feeling lonely.
For instance
, a basketball
team
can be a real family.
According to
the interview in the “New York Times” every person on the
team
Chicago Bulls relate to
team
players as to relatives. They invite each other to Birthdays, weddings,
even
Correct word choice
and even
show examples
Christmas parties. Plus to
this
basketball players spent rather more time on training and
plays
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
compare to family time. The pleasant atmosphere in the
team
allows one to feel full of energy and avoid depression. Individual
sports
have their own benefits. In
such
kinds of
sports
Add a comma
,sports
show examples
people
become more convenient and have strong personalities.
Wonderful
Add an article
A wonderful
show examples
example is Valentin Tailor. In his interview for “The Guardian” he shared how swimming changed his life. Regular training lets
Correct pronoun usage
us grown
show examples
grown
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
up not only physically but mentally. Every competition proved
him
Change preposition
to him
show examples
his own strength. In individual
sports
Add a comma
,sports
show examples
you have many rivals, but the best one is yourself.
Therefore
, after wins and defeats
people
become stronger,
Correct word choice
and sport
show examples
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
experience goes to their life experience. Having considered both views, I think it is more beneficial to take part in individual
sports
. My answer is univocal because I have never tried
team
sports
, but definitely know
profits
Correct article usage
the profits
show examples
of individual
sports
.
Submitted by oimigle on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • team spirit
  • sense of belonging
  • community
  • leadership
  • trust
  • collective responsibility
  • dependency
  • self-reliance
  • self-discipline
  • goal setting
  • tailored development
  • flexibility
  • social support
What to do next:
Look at other essays: