Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

It is undeniable that these days the number of
crimes
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are
Verb problem
has
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risen
due to
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poverty and educational inequality.
While
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some individuals believe that reducing
crime
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is the
government
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's responsibility.
Conversely
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, there are those people who believe that each individual should avoid
crime
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by himself/herself.
This
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essay will discuss both points of view,
along with
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the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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why it is both governments and individuals
responsible
Verb problem
are responsible
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for preventing
crime
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.
To begin
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with, it is understandable for some to believe that
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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should play a
main
Correct word choice
major
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role in decreasing
crimes
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.
This
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is probably because the main causes of
crimes
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are poverty and
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
inequality, as it can be seen that most underdeveloped countries
acquire
Verb problem
have
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higher
crime
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rates than developed countries.
For instance
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, one individual who lacks the money and knowledge to be employed has no alternatives to earn money.
As a result
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, he commits a
crime
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.
Therefore
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, when
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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concentrates on resolving these aforementioned reasons for
crimes
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, the number of criminal cases should
be
Verb problem
apply
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significantly
dropped
Wrong verb form
drop
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.
On the other hand
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, people in society are
also
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required to prevent
crime
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by themselves. All adults should teach their children about the severity of the
crime
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's penalties, as they will try to avoid committing a
crime
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.
Moreover
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, each individual should avoid performing actions which may cause a
crime
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.
For example
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, carrying
massive
Correct article usage
a massive
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of
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amount of
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money without any covering, walking alone at night in a dangerous place. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
crime
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cannot
prevent
Wrong verb form
be prevented
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by solely
Correct word order
solely by
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either the
government
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or
individuals
Punctuation problem
individuals,
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as everyone should collaborate with each other.
Furthermore
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, I believe that
while
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the
government
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focus on improving the standard of living and other issues, residents should avoid
crime
Use synonyms
themselves as well.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear transitions between paragraphs to improve flow, like 'First,' or 'Additionally.'
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, such as statistics or studies about crime rates.
task achievement
You discussed both sides of the argument clearly and fairly.
coherence and cohesion
Your language is clear and easy to understand, which is great for communication.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • responsible for crime prevention
  • legislative power
  • trained personnel
  • public institutions
  • police force
  • judiciary
  • correctional facilities
  • maintain law and order
  • public good
  • personal accountability
  • self-defense measures
  • security systems
  • vigilant
  • community watch programs
  • education on personal security
  • empower individuals
  • reduce the risk of becoming victims of crime
  • synergistic approach
  • robust governmental measures
  • proactive steps
  • collaborative approach
  • foundation of security
  • aware and prepared citizenry
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