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Band 4

These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?

#fathers #home #care #children #mothers #work #development
Parenting is one of the most significant factors in
next generation
Add a hyphen
next-generation
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behavior
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behaviour
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,
which
Correct word choice
and
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mothers
 used to be approximately
full
Change the word
fully
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 responsible for education.
However
, during
the
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 time
fathers
 get used to involve in it too.
Subsequently
, it can be seen that in some cases
fathers
 totally change
the
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their
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 duties
with
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to
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mothers
. It is universally acknowledged that offspring was grown up and educated by
mothers
 specifically and
fathers
 tended to work out in order to earn money. Over the years, the different revolutions have caused numerous changes not only in industries
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 in lifestyles and stereotypes.
On the other hand
,
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sex discrimination,
women
 have come up with an idea about fairness and feminism.
For example
, employers
prejudiced
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were prejudiced
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female
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against female
show examples
employees
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employees'
employee's
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 work and thought that they
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 only human, so
women
 were prevented
to have
Change preposition
from having
show examples
an
Correct determiner usage
any
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occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
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 except
a
Correct article usage
apply
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household
chore
Fix the agreement mistake
chores
show examples
. Feminists strongly believe that
women
 are talented in working out as much as men.
Nonetheless
, the job and
chore’s
Change noun form
chore
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 balance is mixed up and translates into
exchange
Add an article
the exchange
an exchange
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in
Change preposition
of
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 parents’ duties. In terms of psychologic, I conflict with the motherlike father, because of their incompatible attitude to children’s spirit. As it was mentioned before, these duties transformation has been occurring,
due to
 the discriminatory incurrence for
women
, and I am on the same wavelength with them but completely exchanging charge of bringing up the child idea would pour fuel on the fire. Based on
Fathers
’ aggressive
tendency
Fix the agreement mistake
tendencies
show examples
, children would be emotionally damaged.
In addition
,
fathers
 are incredibly permissive;
as a result
, they would bring up undisciplined offspring.
For example
,
mothers
 plan every single hour,
such
 as gaming, learning, and sleeping time,
nevertheless
,
fathers
 do things on the spur of the moment. All in all, parents impress their baby’s education both equally, but in different aspects. Educating on one’s own fully would not be functional.
Thus
, coworking and taking responsibility could result in mature children.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay follows a clear logical structure by using paragraphs to present an introduction, a series of main points, each in its own paragraph, followed by a conclusion. Use connecting words to clearly show the relationship between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion must be clear, directly answer the question, and be adequately developed. Ensure that the conclusion effectively summarises your points and relates back to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
When supporting your main points, use specific examples to clearly illustrate your ideas. The examples should be relevant to the question and help to solidify your arguments.
task achievement
Cover all parts of the task by addressing both the reasons for the trend of fathers staying at home and whether you consider it to be a positive or negative development. Offer clear, comprehensive ideas supported by examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Avoid vague or general statements and strive to use cohesive devices correctly and effectively, ensuring that ideas flow logically from one to the other.
task achievement
Try to provide a balanced view of the topic by discussing the implications, positives and negatives, and justifying your opinion with clear arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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