IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe arts like painting and music do not directly improve people's life, so governments should spend more on other things: Do you agree or disagree?

#people #arts #music #life #governments
Governments in many regions nowadays invest a tidy sum in
arts
, including building statues and different types of
art
events
.
While
 some people argue that the money could have better use in other aspects,
such
 as basic construction and public transportation, I strongly
agree
Add the preposition
onagree
toagree
withagree
show examples
 the importance of financially
support
Wrong verb form
supporting
show examples
art
 activities
due to
various
Correct article usage
the various
show examples
 positive effects derived from it. On the one hand, opponents
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
convey that only
minority
Fix the agreement mistake
minorities
show examples
 will benefit from the investments in
arts
, in which most of them are those with privilege who do not need financial
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
.
In other words
, those
events
, including
art
 exhibitions and concerts could
be hold
Change the verb form
be held
show examples
 by commercial institutions
instead
 of public authorities.
For example
, some residents in Taiwan
are suggest
Change the verb form
suggest
show examples
 that national museums should charge participants as part of
Correct pronoun usage
their incomes
show examples
incomes
Fix the agreement mistake
income
show examples
 for
maintainance
Correct your spelling
maintenance
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since not everyone will enjoy those facilities.
On the other hand
, I am in favour of those positive
influence
Fix the agreement mistake
influences
show examples
 provoked by various
arts
, including the status that could represent the
spirite
Correct your spelling
spirit
 of a nation; and music festivals which could boost
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
. First of all, iconic statues could enhance the visibilities of a nation in the world, on top of that, it could pass down the culture to the younger generation.
For example
, the Merlion in Singapore is represent their hardworking ancestors.
Secondly
, special
art
events
 could attract many oversea visitors and improve
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
, despite
that
Correct article usage
the that
show examples
 residents may not attend the
events
, they are able to benefit from
such
 activities. Take the annual Jazz music festival as an example, it attracts hundreds and thousands of tourists from other cities
as well as
 other nations, which stimulates local hospitality industries. To summarise, it is inevitable that the money
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 on
arts
 could affect the development of basic constructions,
however
, in my perspective, there are more advantages derived from
art
 activities.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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