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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some argue that the best
way
Use synonyms
 to reduce traffic accidents is by severely punishing drivers,
while
Linking Words
 others think there are other ways to reduce traffic collisions. Even though the most common measure to reduce transport accidents is by severely punishing people with fines or, in the worst cases, with the withdrawal of their driving licence, I believe that the best approach to limit car crashes is by raising awareness among the population. On the one hand, it is certainly a
way
Use synonyms
 to control drivers by intimidating them. If these sanctions did not exist, there would be many
of
Change preposition
apply
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those
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
who would not respect speed limits or traffic signals. These sanctions are definitely very useful against less wealthy groups.
For example
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, families who earn 3,000 euros per month cannot pay high fines. And for
richer
Correct article usage
the richer
show examples
 population, they can face severe sanctions
such
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 as the withdrawal of their driving licence.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, another
way
Use synonyms
 to reduce car accidents is by raising alertness, especially among younger generations, because it is difficult to change adults’ views or habits. Most of the time,
this
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 awareness comes from the government. It could be through campaigns or advertisements.
For instance
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, one of the most effective ones was the campaign to make drivers wear seat belts. In 2001, France’s road safety authority revealed a shocking campaign with victims’ testimonies and strong slogans
such
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 as “Front or rear, the dead person’s seat is the one without it.” Nowadays, it seems unthinkable not to wear a seat belt
while
Linking Words
 driving.
To conclude
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,
although
Linking Words
 the harsh approach of doing it is quite effective, the best
way
Use synonyms
 to educate people about the dangers and prevent car crashes is by raising awareness.

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task
Add a clear opening that states the topic and your view in one line.
task
Give each side a main reason and back it with one or two clear ideas.
coherence
Use simple link words to show how ideas fit together (first, also, but, however, in addition).
coherence
Keep each paragraph around one main idea and end with a short sentence that links to the next part.
coherence
Use examples that are easy to check and explain how they prove your point.
tone
Check grammar and tone to avoid broad statements about groups and to keep fairness.
structure
The essay shows both sides and gives a final view.
content
There is an example about a real campaign (seat belt) which helps the point.
coherence
Overall structure is clear: intro, two bodies, and a conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • repeat offenses
  • infrastructure improvements
  • public awareness campaigns
  • reckless driving
  • traffic management technologies
  • intelligent traffic lights
  • speed cameras
  • public transportation
  • minimize
  • enhance safety
  • allocate funds
  • road signs
  • road safety
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