IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #punishments #offences #traffic #accidents #measures #road #safety
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that, to reduce accidents on the road drivers should get severe penalties.
While
Linking Words
 others think that different methods can be better. It is true that some people sometimes have dangerous driving and strict punishment is needed, I believe that other kinds of measures can be used because everybody can make mistakes. Indeed, sometimes traffic crashes are caused because of dangerous people who use the car drunk or sleepy when they should not have taken it. In those cases, it will be logical to put severe penalties because they can be a danger for them and drivers.
For example
Linking Words
, on September 1St 2024, in Madrid, a drunk man was driving at 6am after a party and he killed one person on the highway. With strict punishments, probably that kind of case will be more unusual.
However
Linking Words
, most of the accidents are in reality involuntarily. In fact, those driving vehicles are human and can make mistakes driving. For that reason, I believe that we can not put severe punishments for all the people, but it will be interesting to not put big sanctions for everyone and search for measures for each case.
For instance
Linking Words
, in France, since 2015 they eliminated a number of points from the license depending on each case and since that year,
according to
Linking Words
 Le Monde, the quantity of accidents has decreased in 9 years by 25%.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 traffic crashes can be made by dangerous drivers who are not responsible, in general, they are involuntary.
That is
Linking Words
 why, punishment should not be strict for everybody but other measures will be more effective.
Submitted by santos_dij on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Include more transitions between ideas to enhance flow.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on your own opinion in the conclusion for a stronger finish.
coherence cohesion
Well-structured paragraphs with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Relevant examples are used to illustrate points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • repeat offenses
  • infrastructure improvements
  • public awareness campaigns
  • reckless driving
  • traffic management technologies
  • intelligent traffic lights
  • speed cameras
  • public transportation
  • minimize
  • enhance safety
  • allocate funds
  • road signs
  • road safety
What to do next:
Look at other essays: