IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

#children #pressures #perspectives #measures
In today's world kids are encountering more
pressure
 in
education
 and social and commercial aspects of their lives. There are some reasons causing these pressures.
Although
, many solutions can be used to tackle
this
 issue. Many factors can contribute to
this
 issue.
Firstly
,
due to
 the higher achievements of new generation parents, they put much higher
pressure
 on their child to attend an upper
education
 approach.
Such
pressure
 alongside perfectionistic academies leads to a demanding desire for young students to be at the top of their class.
Secondly
, as social networks are developing significantly, lifestyle comparison becomes really easy.
This
 comparing lifestyle to a few frames of one's life could be really misleading and dangerous.
For example
, if a kid sees a picture of somebody's graduation day, he can conclude that academic achievements are without a hustle because he did not see what the graduate has been through to get to
this
 point.
Such
 conception could lead to a person's dissatisfaction with their progress and feeling huge
pressure
 on themselves to improve their lives socially.
However
,
this
 problem can be addressed by employing some solutions.
Furthermore
,
while
 academia should provide counselling for all, children should seek mental health. These measures can help one to plan for the future without the
pressure
 of being perfect. After all, humans should try to live as the best version of themselves and stop comparing their lives with each other.
Moreover
, parents should put limitations on the social media usage of their children.
Also
, kids should consider using better platforms which can be used just for
education
 and entertainment purposes. Social media can be sickening and overwhelming because of its effects on the unconscious
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 result in depression and anxiety.
To conclude
,
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 insist on pursuing higher
education
 and comparing life on social media platforms are the main causes of
this
 issue.
However
, by going to therapy and limiting social networks youngsters can reduce these pressures.
Submitted by amirhossein1376 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: