Some people think learning painting and drawing at school is a waste of time while others think it is important. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

It is considered by most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

individuals that having painting and drawing a part of the curriculum at school is a waste of time

whereas

Linking Words

others opine that it is vital to learn drawing and painting.

This

Linking Words

essay will discuss both viewpoints and I strongly believe that learning drawing and painting is equally important as other subjects. To commence with, the humans who believe that learning to draw and paint at school is a waste of time

Verb problem

apply

show examples

because they think that only academic subjects like

Science

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or Mathematics can bring success to their

children

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. To elaborate, they want their

children

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to focus only on these subjects to get good careers in the future

instead

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of adopting arts as their main

subject

Use synonyms

For instance

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, a survey conducted at different schools in India revealed that 80 per cent of parents want their

children

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to adopt

Science

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as a main

subject

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for higher studies because they

have thought

Wrong verb form

think

show examples

that painting can not provide a secure future to them.

As a result

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, learning drawing is not considered an important

subject

Use synonyms

Science

Use synonyms

and Mathematics.

However

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, I strongly believe that having arts as a part of the syllabus can provide great painters to the Nation

as well as

Linking Words

a successful career for the students. To explain, some

children

Use synonyms

are not good at learning the facts of

Science

Use synonyms

but they have great drawing and painting skills. If they

will

Verb problem

apply

show examples

focus on the same, they can earn good money as a painter. Like, Amit Singh, the well-known painter of India who was criticized by his own parents for doing art and not choosing

Science

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as his main

subject

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but later, he

present

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presented

show examples

his paintings at an international level and

become

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became

show examples

a pride for the country

along with

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earning great amount by selling his paintings to the people. In conclusion,

Although

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some individuals have a thought that learning painting and drawing at institutes is not important, I opine that

children

Use synonyms

should learn drawing and painting as it can

also

Linking Words

provide them great future.

sukhman.puchd

Jun 15, 2023

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coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be more comprehensive and engaging. The main points are supported but the progression between them needs improvement to enhance coherence and cohesion.

task achievement

The essay provides a somewhat complete response to the task, but the ideas presented could be more comprehensive and detailed. The examples provided are relevant, but they lack specificity and depth. Consider giving more detailed and varied examples to support the arguments.

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

335 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

self-expression
creativity
problem-solving
critical thinking
cultural literacy
historical awareness
therapeutic
career relevance
design principles
STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics)
non-essential
resource allocation
standardized testing
practical use

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