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Band 5.5

Some parents believe that reading books for entertainment is a waste of children’s time. They think that their children should read only serious educational books. What is your opinion?

#parents #books #entertainment #waste #children’s #time #children
It is true that several mothers and fathers see reading
books
 for enjoyment as a waste of their
time
. Some people tend toward the viewpoint that reading any type of book is good for
children
 specifically
books
 beyond serious education. I would support the idea that kids must read
books
 for
entertainment
 not for studying. On the one hand,
children
 who read many types of
books
 become more creative than others.
Moreover
, to make your child passionate about reading they should read many kinds of
books
.
For instance
, kids who read about science fiction had more open minds than others. One good illustration a famous writer in the Middle East called Salmah Abu Kemal she said when she was a child she
hate
Wrong verb form
hated
show examples
 abduction
books
 and she was always read fantasy
books
. Her mom was mad at her because she was studying just
set
Verb problem
sitting
show examples
 under the tree and reading
entertainment
books
. So after 15 ,
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 she became one of the most writers in her region.
On the other hand
, caregivers think that
idea
Correct article usage
the idea
show examples
 of
entertainment
books
 is a Waste of
time
. They make their
children
 always under pressure.
Additionally
, educational
books
 are boring for
children
 because there is many information inside
books
 Which
also
children
 have no
time
 for playing .
As a result
, they might hate everything about studying. In conclusion, it seems to me
children
 must read many kinds of
books
 they become in future more successful and creative than others.
Although
children
 need
time
 for
entertainment
.
Also
, know and learn about life skills.
Submitted by maryamabugela on

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Task Response
The essay addresses the prompt but lacks a clear position on the issue. Make sure to present a clear opinion in the introduction and develop it in the body paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure and presents relevant examples to support the main points. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more explicit and the linking of ideas could be improved.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary and uses some academic language. However, there are instances of imprecise language and awkward phrasing.
Grammatical Range
The essay shows a varied and relatively accurate use of complex structures. However, there are errors in subject-verb agreement, verb tense, and word choice that affect the overall clarity of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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