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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart illustrates consumption of three kinds of fast food by teenagers in Mauritius from 1985 to 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart illustrates consumption of three kinds of fast food by teenagers in Mauritius from 1985 to 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#consumption #three #kinds #food #teenagers #mauritius #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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This
Linking Words
 line chart illustrates the consumption of the three kinds of fast
food
Use synonyms
 by teenagers in Mauritius country from 1985 to 2015. The compared
food
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 are
Use synonyms
Humburger
Correct your spelling
hamburgers
,
pizza
Use synonyms
 and fried
chicken
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the data, kids are
pizza
Use synonyms
 about 60
times
Use synonyms
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a year
in contrast
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
humburger
Correct your spelling
hamburger
hamburgers
 and fried
chicken
Use synonyms
 in 1985. Through years the fast
food
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pizza
Use synonyms
 was
declining
Correct article usage
a declining
show examples
 trend until it reached about 10
times
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 in 2015.
In contrast
Linking Words
, hamburgers had
sharp
Add an article
a sharp
show examples
 increase from 10
times
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 to 70
times
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 which were the most eaten fast
food
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 over
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
.
In
Correct your spelling
Indeed
show examples
deed
Add a comma
,deed
show examples
 fried
chicken
Use synonyms
 was
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 level of
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
as
show examples
humburger
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 remained stable
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2005 to 2015
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
round
Correct your spelling
around
show examples
 60
times
Use synonyms
. In 1985 fried
chicken
Use synonyms
 was the less favourite
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 kids around 5
times
Use synonyms
 a year but through
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 it rosé slightly until it reached 65
times
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. In 2000 the three fast
food
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 were almost at
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 range of favourite about 40
times
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 a year.
However
Linking Words
 the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
favourite for kids was eating
Use synonyms
humburger
Correct your spelling
hamburger
hamburgers
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
came
fried
Change preposition
with fried
show examples
chicken
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
pizza
Add an article
the pizza
show examples
 was the
last
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 children will look
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by Ssaraan2017 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words food, humburger, pizza, chicken, times with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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