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Band 4

Some People believe that childhood is the best stage of happiness. While others believe that a person can enjoy more happiness in other stages of life. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #childhood #stage #happiness #person #stages #life
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Every
Use synonyms
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to achieve
happiness
Use synonyms
. Some individuals think that childhood is the
better
Correct word choice
best
show examples
 period of
happiness
Use synonyms
, and others think
otherwise
Linking Words
. In my opinion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adulthood is the better
stage
Use synonyms
 ,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
because in
this
Linking Words
stage
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 have
freedom
Use synonyms
 and they earn their own money. On the one hand, some members of society hold
idea
Add an article
the idea
show examples
 that childhood is
happier
Add an article
the happier
a happier
show examples
stage
Use synonyms
 for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
. They believe
children
Use synonyms
 only focus on the present rather than
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 do not have responsibilities , which means
children
Use synonyms
 are less likely to develop stress and
anciety
Correct your spelling
anxiety
.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
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 play games or spend time
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 front
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 technology,which means they do not have duties
such
Linking Words
 as, looking for
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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, financial
burden
Fix the agreement mistake
burdens
show examples
,
look
Wrong verb form
or looking
show examples
 after
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
grandparent
Fix the agreement mistake
grandparents
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, There are several reasons why I believe that adulthood is the
happiness
Use synonyms
 period
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
stage
Add a comma
stage,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have
Use synonyms
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
 to do
any things
Correct your spelling
anything
show examples
 they want. To illustrate, they
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
 to make any decision they want without
take
Change the verb form
taking
show examples
 permission from their parents.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
adult
Add an article
an adult
the adult
show examples
 can travel to any
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
 or choose any
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
give
Correct pronoun usage
that give
show examples
 them
sense
Add an article
a sense
show examples
 of
happiness
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
adult
Add an article
an adult
the adult
show examples
 can earn their own money
instead
Linking Words
 of
dependent
Add a missing verb
being dependent
show examples
 on their parents, which means they have
Use synonyms
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
 to buy things namely,
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
,
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
,
goods
Correct word choice
and goods
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
adult
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
plent
Correct your spelling
plenty
 of life
epxerience
Correct your spelling
experience
,
this
Linking Words
 experience assist them
to cope
Change preposition
in coping
show examples
with challenges
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 professional or personal life compared to
children
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, In my perspective,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adulthood is the
happiness
Use synonyms
stage
Use synonyms
 ,
this
Linking Words
becase
Correct your spelling
because
became
Use synonyms
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 can have
sense
Add an article
a sense
show examples
 of financial and
presonal
Correct your spelling
personal
freedom
Use synonyms
.
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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing the ideas in a more coherent manner. The points should flow logically from one to the next, and the argument should be well-developed.
task achievement
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clearly present and effectively frame the essay. Additionally, focus on providing a more complete response, with clear and comprehensive ideas supported by relevant specific examples.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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