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Band 6.5

some people work for the same organisation all their working life. others think that it is better to work for different organisatiobs. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #work #organisation #life #organisatiobs
Advanced technologies dramatically change the working environment nowadays, despite some
employees
 in favour of having a long-term career in the same organisation, I tend to support
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young individuals who explore different experiences by working in different institutions. On the one hand, senior
employees
 used to be highly valued by companies, they enjoy better treatment and trust from supervisors, it is
also
 a good way to have promotion and increase their wedge. Take commercial institutions in Japan as an example, the majority of
employees
 will spend their entire working life in the same company until they retired,
due to
 a systematic promotion regulation provided by companies,
in other words
, people could benefit from a stable working life. 
On the other hand
, I personally agree with proponents who suggest the younger generations have a wide range of working experience in different organisations. First of all, more and more job opportunities are being replaced by artificial intelligent technology nowadays, and workers need to be more
resilience
Replace the word
resilient
show examples
 in workplaces to ensure their
competities
Correct your spelling
competitions
.
For example
, robots are able to conduct various repetitive jobs to replace human workers, which will lead to a higher unemployment rate.
Secondly
, the number of commercial institutions, which encourage their
employees
 to do job hopping is growing in size since it is a win-win situation for both parties. Take the IT industry as an example, it is common for
employees
 to change working environments to have better salaries and job positions, compared to spending time in the same company to get promotions. To summarise, it is inevitable that people who are well experienced in the same company could have a relatively stable
lifestyles
Correct the article-noun agreement
lifestyle
show examples
,
however
, in my perspective, there are more advantages for people who have working experience in different organisations.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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