The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
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The given diagram illustrates the process by which
sugar
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is produced. In general, there are seven steps in the process, from growing
sugar
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cane
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to drying and cooling the
sugar
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in the container.
The first step is
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that the
sugar
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cane
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is grown for a specific period of time, about 12 to 18 months.
The next step is
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picking it, either by a farmer or by a tractor. After that, the
sugar
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cane
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is crushed under high pressure by a mechanical machine that produces
juice
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from the
sugar
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cane
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. In the fourth stage, the
juice
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is purified by a limestone filter, which means that
sugar
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cane
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becomes liquid
after
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this
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part. The fifth step is evaporation, in which the
juice
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is heated in a container.
Then
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, after a
while
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, the
juice
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becomes syrup,
after
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this
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point,
sugar
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crystals are separated from the syrup by turning the ventilator which name is the centrifuge.
Finally
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, the
sugar
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cane
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is put into the container until they become dry and cool.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "after this".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, cane, juice with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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