The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
The given diagram illustrates the process by which
sugar
is produced. In general, there are seven steps in the process, from growing
sugar
cane
to drying and cooling the
sugar
in the container.
The first step is
that the
sugar
cane
is grown for a specific period of time, about 12 to 18 months.
The next step is
picking it, either by a farmer or by a tractor. After that, the
sugar
cane
is crushed under high pressure by a mechanical machine that produces
juice
from the
sugar
cane
. In the fourth stage, the
juice
is purified by a limestone filter, which means that
sugar
cane
becomes liquid
after
this
part. The fifth step is evaporation, in which the
juice
is heated in a container.
Then
, after a
while
, the
juice
becomes syrup,
after
this
point,
sugar
crystals are separated from the syrup by turning the ventilator which name is the centrifuge.
Finally
, the
sugar
cane
is put into the container until they become dry and cool.
Submitted by frens on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "after this".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, cane, juice with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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