IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Because of the busy pace of modern life, many children spend most of their time indoors and have little exposure to the natural life. How important is it for children to learn to understand and appreciate nature?

#pace #life #children #time #indoors #exposure #nature
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 modern era of ,
technology
Use synonyms
 the amount of time youngsters spend doing indoor
activities
Use synonyms
 has become a matter of concern for parents because they have a very limited link with
nature
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 my point of ,view it is crucial for kids to enjoy
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the lap of mother
nature
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Add a comma
,with
show examples
 the benefits of playing outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
 as physical
activities
Use synonyms
 are very important to keep a body and mind fit because these
activities
Use synonyms
 keep children busy physically
as well as
Linking Words
 mentally. These days, it can be seen that number of children suffering from mental problems is more than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past time and the question here is why these problems are more common these days
?
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
 The answer is excessive use of
technology
Use synonyms
 and less interaction with
nature
Use synonyms
. In past ,individuals used to share their feelings with family members
whereas
Linking Words
, now youngsters try to keep their life private and those boundaries result in stress and depression. Moving forward, exposure to
nature
Use synonyms
 helps in improving the focus and ability to imagine because the scenes that are seen by
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
show examples
 make strong memories which result in the improvement of imagination.
Moreover
Linking Words
, interacting with people
while
Linking Words
 doing outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
 helps in personality development because communication skills are improved and more knowledge can be gained by exchanging thoughts with others.
Hence
Linking Words
,
nature
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in physical and mental development.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it is the responsibility of parents and schools to ensure that juveniles are doing limited use of
technology
Use synonyms
 and spending quality time doing physical
activities
Use synonyms
 so that youngsters do not become habitual in using
technology
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by gill.g24 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: