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Band 4.5

Because of the busy pace of modern life, many children spend most of their time indoors and have little exposure to the natural life. How important is it for children to learn to understand and appreciate nature?

#pace #life #children #time #indoors #exposure #nature
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In
this
 modern era of ,
technology
 the amount of time youngsters spend doing indoor
activities
 has become a matter of concern for parents because they have a very limited link with
nature
.
According to
 my point of ,view it is crucial for kids to enjoy
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the lap of mother
nature
.
To begin
with
Add a comma
,with
show examples
 the benefits of playing outdoor
activities
 as physical
activities
 are very important to keep a body and mind fit because these
activities
 keep children busy physically
as well as
 mentally. These days, it can be seen that number of children suffering from mental problems is more than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past time and the question here is why these problems are more common these days
?
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
 The answer is excessive use of
technology
 and less interaction with
nature
. In past ,individuals used to share their feelings with family members
whereas
, now youngsters try to keep their life private and those boundaries result in stress and depression. Moving forward, exposure to
nature
 helps in improving the focus and ability to imagine because the scenes that are seen by
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
show examples
 make strong memories which result in the improvement of imagination.
Moreover
, interacting with people
while
 doing outdoor
activities
 helps in personality development because communication skills are improved and more knowledge can be gained by exchanging thoughts with others.
Hence
,
nature
 plays a vital role in physical and mental development.
To conclude
, it is the responsibility of parents and schools to ensure that juveniles are doing limited use of
technology
 and spending quality time doing physical
activities
 so that youngsters do not become habitual in using
technology
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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