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Band 5

Some people have to find work abroad .they have to leave theirs homes as well as friends. Do the advantages outweight the disadvantage.

#people #work #homes #friends #outweight
With
a
Correct article usage
the
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 rapid development
on
Change preposition
of
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 enterprises these days, many
countries
 open an opportunity to overseas
employees
.
This
 sparks an argument
whether
Change preposition
about whether
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 overseas employment will get
advantage
Add an article
an advantage
the advantage
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 or even
disadvantage
Correct article usage
a disadvantage
show examples
 because they have to leave their family members and friends. From my perspective, working outside the country will have much more advantages. The following essay will share my viewpoint on
this
 matter. On one hand, working abroad will open up
greatly
Change the word
great
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 experiences that may happen one time.
Worker
Fix the agreement mistake
Workers
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 from third-world
countries
 could learn from developed
countries
on
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apply
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how to run businesses. Companies in developed
countries
 handle their venture and all aspects better.
For instance
, they know how to maintain their employee well-being so that they can work
in
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with
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 full motivation
with
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apply
show examples
effective
Change the word
effectively
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 and
efficient
Change the word
efficiently
show examples
. The environment of letting
employees
 feel happy and respected will ultimately bring profit to the company in the
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
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. Overseas
employees
 will
also
 be able to
experienced
Wrong verb form
experience
show examples
 inclusivity and diversity. Learning other’s
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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 is beneficial so that
employees
 can have respect towards each other. Respect is
also
 one of the important
factor
Change to a plural noun
factors
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 for employee well-being.
On the other hand
, working overseas could increase
employees
’ savings. Undoubtedly, developed
countries
 have bigger
currency
Fix the agreement mistake
currencies
show examples
 than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing
countries
. They usually send part of their income to their families and if it
calculated
Add a missing verb
is calculated
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 to their home country’s currency, that will be much
more
Change the word
apply
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bigger compared to income from working within their home country. A greater quality
life
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of life
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 will ultimately
be occurred
Change to the active voice
occur
have occurred
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.
To conclude
, even though working overseas will
caused
Change the verb form
cause
be caused
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 longing and yearning
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 families and friends, it turns out beneficial for workers. They will be more open-minded toward things by having
conversation
Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
show examples
 with people from across the globe that have different cultures and backgrounds.
This
 will
also
 raise
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 income for their family that stays in their home country.
Submitted by annisafitriyani on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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