IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children #message
Most cultures around the globe teach their
children
 to
work
 hard in order to gain achievement.
For example
, society in most Asian countries encourages their
children
 to study until late at night to get excellent grades in school or be admitted to top universities.
Besides
, the students are
also
 forced to get supplementary courses to achieve.
This
 phenomenon may influence the mental condition of the young generation, either positively or negatively. In my opinion, giving
children
 a tough message can bring good development for their personalities. Based on my experience, the
children
, who were taught about hard
work
, are disciplined, independent, and raised as smart problem-solvers.
In addition
, they can be stronger and smarter in tackling real-world obstacles. It is suggested that hard-
work
 advice from
parents
 plays a significant role in preparing
children
 to face the challenges in their future.
However
, not all
children
 have a positive response regarding hard
work
 advice. On the other side, some
children
 are struggling with mental depression and anxiety
due to
 heavy pressure from their
parents
. Based on research conducted by Padjadjaran University, about forty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of students in Bandung, Indonesia, suffer from mental health problems. Most correspondents say that they are dealing with hard academic tension and high expectations from their
parents
. In conclusion, teaching
children
 about hard
work
 in achieving things in life is a good way to develop their personalities and skills. On the other side, the
parents
 should have better communication skills to deliver the hard-
work
 message because not all
children
 are born the same way.
At the end
 of the day, the most important thing in the future of the young generation is respecting the process, despite the achievements.
Submitted by periset on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: