IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

You stayed in a rental apartment during your trip last year and were generally satisfied with it. However, there was one issue that you encountered. You are planning another trip and would like to rent the same apartment again. Write a letter to the owner. In your letter: · Express your interest in renting the apartment again. · Mention the problem you faced during your last stay. · Provide details about your upcoming trip and ask about the availability of the apartment.

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Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to inform you about my plan to rent your C125 apartment at Bris Arena - 17.
Although
Linking Words
 my
last
Linking Words
 trip was almost satisfactory, I remember an issue which should be resolved. Because of the amenities available and the safety factor,
this
Linking Words
 time again my grandparents and I are interested in renting it. We have some medical appointments for dental checkups and our stay would be for ten days. As I mentioned above, I experienced an issue with the faulty working of the fridge.
This
Linking Words
 is because the refrigerator was consistently tripping and did not give proper cooling so I had faced a problem storing my medicines and ointments.
Therefore
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, having thought of the medical condition of my grandparents, could you please sort the problem out at the earliest
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Lastly
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, I would like to give a short description of our next trip which is probably from the 11th to the 21st of next month. I hope after checking these dates, an intimation will be sent to me about the availability of the apartment. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Yours faithfully, Jacob Brown

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to keep paragraphs focused on single ideas to improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Consider rephrasing some sentences for smoother transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your greeting and closing are appropriately formal and polite.
task achievement
You have addressed all parts of the task effectively.
task achievement
The tone of the letter is suitable for a formal inquiry.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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