Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
It is widely known that having too much sugar may
affect
a bad impact on people's health. Despite Verb problem
have
this
issue, most beverages in the store contain numerous sweet materials, which are still widely bought. I believe there should be a policy and follow-up actions to control this
toxic behaviour.
Consuming a lot of carbohydrates leads to appalling diseases, for example
, obesity and diabetes. Even though several companies already provide a less-sugar version of their product, the public tends to buy the original product caused by there are some people who are not aware, or worse, not paying attention although
Change preposition
despite
the
knowledge of it. Correct pronoun usage
their
Therefore
, the companies and government should be taking further
action to solve this
problem. They may make campaigns to give society knowledge about the causes. It can be done by educating society through social media or pupils at school, since this
impact may happen to any generation, including adolescent and child who consumes a daily intake of carbohydrate from chocolate or candy.
Moreover
, if the number of unhealthy populations increases, it will be impacting to
the country since most nations use health assurance Wrong verb form
impact
that is
provided by the government. Consequently
, it will be taking a lot of countries’ allowance. If there is a policy such
as a sugar tax, the profit can be used for other purposes, to subsidize cancer for instance
.
In summary, I believe increasing carbohydrate product prices will be the best thing to do to engage the public to avoid carbohydrates. The profit can be utilized for other things that are more beneficial. Nevertheless
, society should be aware of the problem by carrying out campaigns and giving education about the disease they are facing if they continue consuming extra carbohydrates.Submitted by aslamabel on
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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion could be more explicit and directly related to the topic. The essay could benefit from a more cohesive structure and clearer progression of ideas.
task response
The response to the prompt is lacking in terms of providing a clear and comprehensive argument. The ideas need to be more fully developed with relevant examples and explanations.