IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In the future, there will be a higher proportion of older people than younger people. Is it positive or negative development?

#future #proportion #people #development
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It
Correct pronoun usage
There
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 is no doubt that there are many factors that have affected the lives of
people
Use synonyms
 recently. There are many advanced health facilities that prolong the lives of humans nowadays. Some
people
Use synonyms
 see
this
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 trend
has
Wrong verb form
as having
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 a significant impact.
However
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,in the ,following we draw attention to the negative influences of an increasing proportion of the older population compared with younger
people
Use synonyms
 in the future. I believe it is a negative development. In my opinion, a higher ratio of
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
 communities could
cause
Verb problem
have
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 a negative effect on society. I am going to state the drawbacks in
this
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 essay. One most important negative
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
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 of the high rate of older
people
Use synonyms
 is the increasing demand percentage for hospitals
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and healthcare centres. In fact, when a person becomes older, he is subject to many diseases
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and
hence
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 needs higher treatments. All that leads to excessive usage of resources in the future. Indeed, that will overwhelm the capacity of the healthcare sector.
Hence
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, the government should allocate more funds to treat
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
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 of higher ages rather than exploit these funds to improve other sectors
such
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 as education and the environment sector in the future. Another negative side is old generation
people
Use synonyms
 do not have convenient experience with modern technology.
Therefore
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, when more older
people
Use synonyms
occupied
Wrong verb form
occupy
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 more jobs,
then
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overall
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 productivity would decrease dramatically, On the other side,
youth
Correct your spelling
young
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people
Use synonyms
 have profound experiences with the latest technological advances. Undoubtedly, modern technology has enhanced the
overall
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 productivity of many aspects of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Despite the old generation
people
Use synonyms
 having the wisdom and rich practical skills, they missed the technological skills.
For example
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,there are many hard jobs that are needed in
youth
Correct your spelling
young
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 society more than in older society. A high rate of older population would decrease the development of the country.
To sum up
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, the older generation community have rich wisdom and experiences,
however
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, they do not have the technological skills that are needed to gain a higher rate of enhancement and development of the country.
Furthermore
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, they will consume all healthcare resources.
Hence
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, a higher percentage of old
people
Use synonyms
 has negative sides more than the positive sides.
Submitted by fmalquran112 on

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task response
Address the prompt directly and discuss both the positive and negative aspects of the given topic.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the essay follows a clear and logical structure, with a well-organized introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
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