In the future, there will be a higher proportion of older people than younger people. Is it positive or negative development?

#future #proportion #people #development

Correct pronoun usage

There

show examples

is no doubt that there are many factors that have affected the lives of

people

recently. There are many advanced health facilities that prolong the lives of humans nowadays. Some

people

see

this

trend

has

Wrong verb form

as having

show examples

a significant impact.

However

,in the ,following we draw attention to the negative influences of an increasing proportion of the older population compared with younger

people

in the future. I believe it is a negative development. In my opinion, a higher ratio of

elder

Replace the word

elderly

show examples

communities could

cause

Verb problem

have

show examples

a negative effect on society. I am going to state the drawbacks in

this

essay. One most important negative

factor

Fix the agreement mistake

factors

show examples

of the high rate of older

people

is the increasing demand percentage for hospitals

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and healthcare centres. In fact, when a person becomes older, he is subject to many diseases

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and

hence

needs higher treatments. All that leads to excessive usage of resources in the future. Indeed, that will overwhelm the capacity of the healthcare sector.

Hence

, the government should allocate more funds to treat

population

Fix the agreement mistake

populations

show examples

of higher ages rather than exploit these funds to improve other sectors

such

as education and the environment sector in the future. Another negative side is old generation

people

do not have convenient experience with modern technology.

Therefore

, when more older

people

occupied

Wrong verb form

occupy

show examples

more jobs,

then

overall

productivity would decrease dramatically, On the other side,

youth

Correct your spelling

young

show examples

people

have profound experiences with the latest technological advances. Undoubtedly, modern technology has enhanced the

overall

productivity of many aspects of our

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

. Despite the old generation

people

having the wisdom and rich practical skills, they missed the technological skills.

For example

,there are many hard jobs that are needed in

youth

Correct your spelling

young

show examples

society more than in older society. A high rate of older population would decrease the development of the country.

To sum up

, the older generation community have rich wisdom and experiences,

however

, they do not have the technological skills that are needed to gain a higher rate of enhancement and development of the country.

Furthermore

, they will consume all healthcare resources.

Hence

, a higher percentage of old

people

has negative sides more than the positive sides.

Submitted by fmalquran112 on Fri Jun 16 2023

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task response

Address the prompt directly and discuss both the positive and negative aspects of the given topic.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure that the essay follows a clear and logical structure, with a well-organized introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

351 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In the future, there will be a higher proportion of older people than younger people. Is it positive or negative development?

In recent years, many governments have brought in laws to ban smoking in public places, such as bars, resturants and offices. To what extend do you agree or disagree with banning smoking in public places?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others,however,believe that boys and girls benefit more attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

The best way to make the road transport of goods safer is to ask drivers to take a driving test each year. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.