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Writing Samples
Band 6

the pie charts below show the most common advantages and disadvantages of fairmont island, according to a servey of visitors.

the pie charts below show the most common advantages and disadvantages of fairmont island, according to a servey of visitors.
#show #fairmont #island #servey #visitors
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The provided pie charts illustrate the tourist's survey of Fairmount
island
Correct your spelling
Island
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 for the four common pros and cons.
Overall
, it can be observed from the charts that the first common advantage is the local people on the
island
,
whereas
 the main disadvantage is the high cost of living.
To begin
 with, it can be seen that 45% of total visitors think that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Fairmount
island
Correct your spelling
Island
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 has
high
Add an article
a high
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 cost of living,
while
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 30% feel that it is lack entertainment sources.
Furthermore
, there are 20% of visitors believe that weather on the
island
 is
also
 a disadvantage, followed by food quality, at 5%. Moving on to the advantages, people and scenery on the
island
 are considered as
top
Correct article usage
the top
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 two common advantages, accounting for 40%, and 37% of
total
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the total
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 respectively. In
additions
Fix the agreement mistake
addition
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, approximately 30% in
combine
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a combine
the combine
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 of interviewees believe that culture ( 12%) and good accommodation ( 11%) are advantages of
this
island
 as well.
Submitted by Partofyourworld on

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words island with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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