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Band 5

Some people believe that what children watch on television influences their behaviour. Others say that amount of time spent watching television influences their behaviour. Discuss both views and give own opinion (Reported in 2017)

#people #children #television #influences #behaviour #amount #time
A few
people
 support that what young
people
 see in the media influences their way of thinking.Some say that
time
 spent watching
television
 influences their
behaviour
.In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 totally agree that what young
people
 watch on
television
 influences their
behaviour
.
Firstly
,nowadays
people
 are mainly focused on entertainment from the media
hence
,
children
 tend to spend much of their
time
 watching programs.Young
people
 tend to imitate what they watch on the
television
 so
this
 will make them vulnerable.
For instance
,
children
 can watch programs with violence and
this
 will sink into their minds that violence is good and end up bullying each other, even thinking that killing is good.
Secondly
,
children
 are still developing so what they watch on the
television
 if it is dirty that means the child will grow up with
dirty
Correct article usage
a dirty
show examples
mind
 since from the beginning the
mind
 would have been polluted already.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 they watch explicit movies they will grow with that in
mind
 and since their
mind
 is
under
Change preposition
apply
show examples
developed its risky for their future life.
However
, the
time
 spent
also
 plays
part
Correct article usage
a part
show examples
 in the
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
behaviour
 especially if they spent more
time
 watching
television
 they will not have
time
 for other activities or even to socialise with others.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 they can
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 most of their
time
 on
television
 but watching educative
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 that will benefit them. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 support that what
children
 watch on
television
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 much influence
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 them as opposed to the
time
 they spent since what they watch
determine
Correct subject-verb agreement
determines
show examples
 their
behaviour
not
Add the comma(s)
,not
show examples
 the
time
 spent on the
television
.
Submitted by fideliscity on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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