Some people believe that what children watch on television influences their behaviour. Others say that amount of time spent watching television influences their behaviour. Discuss both views and give own opinion (Reported in 2017)

A few
people
support that what young
people
see in the media influences their way of thinking.Some say that
time
spent watching
television
influences their
behaviour
.In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
totally agree that what young
people
watch on
television
influences their
behaviour
.
Firstly
,nowadays
people
are mainly focused on entertainment from the media
hence
,
children
tend to spend much of their
time
watching programs.Young
people
tend to imitate what they watch on the
television
so
this
will make them vulnerable.
For instance
,
children
can watch programs with violence and
this
will sink into their minds that violence is good and end up bullying each other, even thinking that killing is good.
Secondly
,
children
are still developing so what they watch on the
television
if it is dirty that means the child will grow up with
dirty
Correct article usage
a dirty
show examples
mind
since from the beginning the
mind
would have been polluted already.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
they watch explicit movies they will grow with that in
mind
and since their
mind
is
under
Change preposition
apply
show examples
developed its risky for their future life.
However
, the
time
spent
also
plays
part
Correct article usage
a part
show examples
in the
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
behaviour
especially if they spent more
time
watching
television
they will not have
time
for other activities or even to socialise with others.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
they can
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
most of their
time
on
television
but watching educative
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
that will benefit them. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
support that what
children
watch on
television
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
much influence
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
them as opposed to the
time
they spent since what they watch
determine
Correct subject-verb agreement
determines
show examples
their
behaviour
not
Add the comma(s)
,not
show examples
the
time
spent on the
television
.
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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence behaviour
  • violent content
  • inappropriate content
  • educational programs
  • role models
  • aggressive behaviour
  • positive behaviour
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • physical health issues
  • social interactions
  • social skills
  • parental involvement
  • moderate impact
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