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Band 3.5

onger life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make?

#onger #life #improvements #health #people #age #sixty-five #lives #society #benefit #contribution
It is undoubtedly true that older
people
 have a longer life expectancy in
this
 era as compared to the past.
It
Correct pronoun usage
I
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 would say big thanks to all the progress that has been made over the years in many sectors like medicine.
As a result
,
people
 live longer and
Correct quantifier usage
more active
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active
Change the word
actively
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 unlike in the past. There are numerous benefits to
keep
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keeping
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 safe our grandparents, as they are contributing to
preserve
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preserving
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 in the point of view of cultural beliefs and intellectual skills. These
people
 often struggled in their difficult
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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,
hence
 they can be
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young
people
 in terms of motivating them to escape from any problematic situation. To illustrate, many
of
Change preposition
apply
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older generations have faced times of world war. Another key consideration is that elders are acting as
a living history books
Correct the article-noun agreement
a living history book
living history books
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, from
where
Correct word choice
which
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whom
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can learn how to perform well in future, and what requires to
be avoid
Change the verb form
be avoided
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. Like
cicerone
Correct your spelling
Cicerone
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 said: “ Historia Magistra Vitae”, that means history is life’s teacher. Another key consideration,
Consequently
, It is extremely important to look after them in order to keep them safe and healthy. In
this
 way, we can preserve our historical values and make them feel appreciated
about
Change preposition
for
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 what they have done in the past, and encourage
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 perform well in future as well. In conclusion, I think old
people
 have represented that they are the pillars of our society,
thus
 it is our responsibility to take care of them.
Submitted by Navneet Dhand on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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