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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that children under 18 yrs old should receive full time education. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #yrs #time #education
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Education
Use synonyms
 is the basic government policy that
required
Add a missing verb
is required
show examples
 to build a strong nation, so they
able
Add a missing verb
are able
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 to create a better generation in the future. Some people believe that
children
Use synonyms
 should stay in class until the age of 18 years old. I
also
Linking Words
 believe that all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 should
able
Add a missing verb
be able
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 to get proper
education
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, but it will highly depend on the
children
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itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
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 as their needs will likely
varies
Change the verb form
vary
show examples
. First of all, as for the benefit of
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
education
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, it will provide the
children
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 with knowledge and critical thinking to help them
growing
Change the form of the verb
grow
show examples
 with a well-made curriculum from the experts. They will
taught
Change the verb form
be taught
teach
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 people
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similar age and will socialize with their peers. As the
children
Use synonyms
not always
Change the verb form
does not always know
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knows
Change the verb form
know
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 what they want to do in the future, the experience with their friends will help them to find a suitable role for their future. The
school
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 system will help them to learn the basic knowledge, so after they graduated, they will be ready to put into the real world as a fully functional adult. But,
although
Linking Words
 it may sound idealistic,
but
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apply
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in reality it's not always as good as it
sound
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sounds
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. The
school
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 system somehow lacks in many aspects
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
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 development.
For example
Linking Words
, the
school
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not
Change the verb form
does not
did not
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 teach the
children
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 to socialize with
wider
Add an article
the wider
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 community outside their
school
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 system. They will only focus on their studies, and forget that after they graduated, the real world is way more scarier than their
school
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 environment. Some
children
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 may face a culture shock after they graduated.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 condition is not similar. They are growing at a different family and
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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, so
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 needs will
also
Linking Words
different
Add a missing verb
be different
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. Not all
children
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needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 the same basic
education
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 in class, some of them may already
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 their passions, so they need to focus on them.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 who
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to be an athlete, a musician, a painter, or else. In my conclusion,
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 until the age of 18 years old is not necessary for all
children
Use synonyms
. In most
cases
Add a comma
,cases
show examples
 it will help the
children
Use synonyms
 to get basic
education
Use synonyms
 and prepare them to fully function in society. But
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 several cases, some
children
Use synonyms
 who already figure out what they want to do in their life, will
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 another
education
Use synonyms
 to support their dreams.
Submitted by liulinuha on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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