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Writing Samples
Band 6

The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease violent crimes in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #control #amount #violence #films #television #decrease #crimes #society
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Recently, a topic regarding whether controlling the
number
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 of violent
images
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 can reduce violent
crimes
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 in
society
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 has aroused heated discussions in
society
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. Some
people
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 think that controlling the amount of violence in movies and TV can reduce violent
crimes
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 in
society
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,
while
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 others think that the opposite is true. In my opinion, I am opposed to controlling the
number
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 of violent
images
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 to reduce violent
crimes
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 in
society
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. On the one hand, controlling the
number
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 of violent
images
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 is important, but there are still many ways for
people
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 to come into contact with violence,
such
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 as through video games. Nowadays, many teenagers enjoy playing video games, and some of these games contain violent and bloody
images
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. These
images
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 give addicted teenagers a chance to imitate violent behaviour,
thus
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 not reducing violent crime in
society
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.
Additionally
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, fundamental problems are not being addressed,
such
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 as providing psychological counselling for those who are prone to violence and offering correct behavioural education for young
people
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 to prevent them from becoming violent in the future.
Moreover
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, the economy is bad,
people
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 cannot find jobs or earn enough money to support themselves, and the gap between rich and poor in
society
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 has widened. Some
people
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 will obtain wealth illegally through violent means
such
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 as stealing or robbery.
Therefore
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, rather than controlling the violent plots of TV or movies, the government might as well introduce some policies to benefit the
people
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 so that the
people
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 can live and work in peace and contentment without having to worry about their own livelihood.
On the other hand
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, controlling the
number
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 of violent
images
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 can reduce the exposure of individuals who enjoy watching movies or TV to violent content.
This
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 can prevent the stimulation of their violent tendencies, ultimately leading to a reduction in violent
crimes
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 within
society
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. Generally speaking, controlling the
number
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 of violent
images
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 cannot reduce violent
crimes
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 in
society
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.
Submitted by y2083749065 on

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task response
To improve task response, make sure to address all parts of the prompt and provide a clear stance. Support your argument with specific examples and reasons.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on organizing the essay more coherently by clearly presenting the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use transitional words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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