IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease violent crimes in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #control #amount #violence #films #television #decrease #crimes #society
Recently, a topic regarding whether controlling the
number
 of violent
images
 can reduce violent
crimes
 in
society
 has aroused heated discussions in
society
. Some
people
 think that controlling the amount of violence in movies and TV can reduce violent
crimes
 in
society
,
while
 others think that the opposite is true. In my opinion, I am opposed to controlling the
number
 of violent
images
 to reduce violent
crimes
 in
society
. On the one hand, controlling the
number
 of violent
images
 is important, but there are still many ways for
people
 to come into contact with violence,
such
 as through video games. Nowadays, many teenagers enjoy playing video games, and some of these games contain violent and bloody
images
. These
images
 give addicted teenagers a chance to imitate violent behaviour,
thus
 not reducing violent crime in
society
.
Additionally
, fundamental problems are not being addressed,
such
 as providing psychological counselling for those who are prone to violence and offering correct behavioural education for young
people
 to prevent them from becoming violent in the future.
Moreover
, the economy is bad,
people
 cannot find jobs or earn enough money to support themselves, and the gap between rich and poor in
society
 has widened. Some
people
 will obtain wealth illegally through violent means
such
 as stealing or robbery.
Therefore
, rather than controlling the violent plots of TV or movies, the government might as well introduce some policies to benefit the
people
 so that the
people
 can live and work in peace and contentment without having to worry about their own livelihood.
On the other hand
, controlling the
number
 of violent
images
 can reduce the exposure of individuals who enjoy watching movies or TV to violent content.
This
 can prevent the stimulation of their violent tendencies, ultimately leading to a reduction in violent
crimes
 within
society
. Generally speaking, controlling the
number
 of violent
images
 cannot reduce violent
crimes
 in
society
.
Submitted by y2083749065 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
To improve task response, make sure to address all parts of the prompt and provide a clear stance. Support your argument with specific examples and reasons.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on organizing the essay more coherently by clearly presenting the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use transitional words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: