IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age. Is this a positive or negative development？

#countries #companies #job #applicants #age #development？
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent days, a topic has sparked heated debate in the community about whether it is illegal for
companies
Use synonyms
 to deny
job
Use synonyms
 offers to applicants because of their
age
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think
age
Use synonyms
discrimination
Use synonyms
 is illegal,
while
Linking Words
 others hold the opposite view. In my opinion, businesses cannot use
age
Use synonyms
 as a reason to reject
job
Use synonyms
 applications from those looking for
work
Use synonyms
. On the one hand,
companies
Use synonyms
 cannot refuse
job
Use synonyms
 opportunities because of the
age
Use synonyms
 of the applicants, so that
people
Use synonyms
 can get fair employment opportunities and will not miss talents
due to
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
discrimination
Use synonyms
. living standards and social stability.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there is no
age
Use synonyms
discrimination
Use synonyms
, those who are older can
also
Linking Words
 get jobs, and there are many high-quality and high-skilled talents among them, which
also
Linking Words
 reduces the problems caused by an ageing society.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 from different backgrounds can
work
Use synonyms
 together to solve problems at
work
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 of different ages see problems from different angles and directions, and it is easier to innovate in discussions and negotiations with each other.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
companies
Use synonyms
 have to abide by the law
due to
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
discrimination
Use synonyms
. Sometimes, in order to avoid legal punishment, they hire employees who are not good enough, lack professional knowledge, and are unfamiliar with the
work
Use synonyms
 content.
This
Linking Words
 will affect efficiency and the company's revenue will
also
Linking Words
 decline.
In addition
Linking Words
, older employees cannot accept new technologies and use traditional and simple methods to
work
Use synonyms
, which leads to their low efficiency in completing tasks. In general, I think
companies
Use synonyms
 should not use
age
Use synonyms
 as a reason to reject employees and deny them
job
Use synonyms
 opportunities.
Submitted by y2083749065 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, aim to create a stronger logical sequence between ideas in each paragraph. Include clear topic sentences and use cohesive devices effectively.
Task Achievement
For a higher task response score, expand on the main points with more relevant, detailed examples and ensure that each paragraph directly addresses the essay question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: