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Band 5

Many parents put a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. To what extent do you agree?

#parents #pressure #children
Huge
Correct article usage
A huge
show examples
 amount of
pressure
 is put on
children
 by their
parents
 because
parents
 believe
taht
Correct your spelling
that
 it is the way to
raising
Wrong verb form
raise
show examples
 a successful child. From
point
Correct article usage
the point
show examples
 of my view, putting
pressure
 more than they can carry is very harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
children
 have to
carrying
Change the verb form
carry
show examples
 it. But
also
 it does not mean that
parents
 should release them because it is
also
 harmful. For these
reasons
Add a comma
,reasons
show examples
parents
 should set
balance
Correct article usage
a balance
show examples
 to suitable conditions for their
children
. I agree with that
parents
 put more than enough
pressure
 on their
children
 but they do not know it is the
cruical
Correct your spelling
crucial
critical
 obstacle
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 being successful. If more than enough
pressure
 is given to
children
 probably they will fail. It might leave some permanent effects on them. It can force
children
 to accept
to be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
unseccessful
Correct your spelling
unsuccessful
successful
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 because memories happening in childhood create personality and
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 used to failure is
characteristic
Add an article
a characteristic
show examples
 feature. To clarify, when someone goes to
Correct article usage
a pshyciatrist
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pshyciatrist
Correct your spelling
psychiatrist
psychiatrists
,
Correct article usage
the pshyciatrist
show examples
pshyciatrist
Correct your spelling
psychiatrist
 tries to learn
client's
Correct article usage
the client's
show examples
 memories belonging to childhood.
That is
 why
parents
 should not give more than enough
pressure
.
On the other hand
, putting a lot of
presure
Correct your spelling
pressure
 can be understandable because
parents
 know that if they release their
children
 it it might be
reason
Add an article
the reason
a reason
show examples
 for their
children
 to
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 irresponsible.
Due to
 the fact that personality begins to form in childhood. So
parents
 should put some
pressure
 because
that is
 the key
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 raising responsible,
hardworker
Correct your spelling
hardworking
hard worker
 adults.
For example
, in my
country
Add a comma
,country
show examples
 women are more responsible, well-organised and
hardworkers
Correct your spelling
hardworking
 than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men because
parents
 have been reminded
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 responsibilities to their daughters more than they do
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 boys. And
also
, they have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
put
pressure
 on girls more than boys. In light of these
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
, it can be said easily these are the reason
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why women have more
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 features
needing
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
 to reached succeed than men. In conclusion,
parents
 who
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to raise their
children
 as
qualified
Add an article
a qualified
show examples
 person put
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 amount of
pressure
 on their
children
. Despite the fact that it is
Correct article usage
an extreamly
show examples
extreamly
Correct your spelling
extremely
 wrong
decission
Correct your spelling
decision
 it can be
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 sometimes when
balance
Add an article
the balance
show examples
 is achieved.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic excellence
  • extracurricular activities
  • prosperous future
  • societal standards
  • peer competition
  • motivation
  • discipline
  • unfulfilled ambitions
  • resource availability
  • opportunity exploitation
What to do next:
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