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Band 3.5

Nowaday, more and more people commit crimes. What are causes and solutions?

#nowaday #people #crimes
Thisdays
Correct your spelling
This day's
 myriad of
crime
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crimes
show examples
 happened in society. We will discuss upcoming paragraphs what are problems and how to prevent them.
To begin
 with one of
possible
Correct article usage
the possible
show examples
reason
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reasons
show examples
Change preposition
for that
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that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 development of technology
because
Add a missing verb
is because
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 there are many labour
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
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 by machinery. People who are not
worked
Wrong verb form
working
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therefore
Add the comma(s)
,therefore
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, illegal activities are
choiced
Correct your spelling
chosen
 by them for living.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
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this
, another cause of many people engaging in criminal activities could be the popularity of the Internet. Especially children
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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learnt inappropriate content
violent
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from violent
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 movies or programs.
This
 type of thing
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 effect on their mental development. To be more dangerous they may have
imitate
Fix the infinitive
to imitate
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 what they watch on television or
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
.
This
 is a factor behind
murdering
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murder
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.
Apart from
this
, several solutions can be
adopted
Correct your spelling
adapted
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 to
this
 issue.
Firstly
 Government should be arranged for
job
seeker
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seekers
show examples
 to find
job
Add an article
a job
the job
show examples
 or give them
training
Correct article usage
a training
show examples
 program to according the
job
. Do not let them free. If everyone
busy
Add a missing verb
is busy
show examples
 with their work so can be reduced criminal activities.
Secondly
, parents should be checked what kind of content
watching
Change the form of the verb
watched
show examples
 by children. They have to overcome their kids to watch good movies or programs which
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 effect on their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
. In conclusion, many reasons can be given to explain why more and more people commit crimes and several actions that can be taken to control
this
 issue.
Submitted by jkaram811 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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