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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenagers #work #time #community #teenager #society
Some individuals believe that community service should become compulsory for all adolescents in their leisure time. I strongly believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
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the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 voluntary
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 can be advantageous for personal and professional life for individuals and
also
 for
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
.
To begin
 with, there are several reasons why I believe that unpaid
work
 can have
a positive impacts
Correct the article-noun agreement
a positive impact
positive impacts
show examples
 on the
teens
as well as
 the whole
society
.
Regardig
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Regarding
teens
,
teens
 can learn from working as volunteers many skills namely, communication, problem solving,
making
Correct word choice
and making
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decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
.
This
 is because working as
volunteer
Add an article
a volunteer
show examples
 can make
teens
 engage with real life and learn from
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 people.
For instance
,
teens
 who
work
 unpaid
work
on
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in
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 local
hospital
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hospitals
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 can gain
experience
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in
show examples
how to deal and communicate with patients , which
this
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apply
show examples
can
imporve
Correct your spelling
improve
 soft skills.
Furthermore
, working unsalaried can
perpare
Correct your spelling
prepare
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers for
better
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a better
the better
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 future
career
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careers
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.
This
 is because unpaid
work
 is considered
experience
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most companies
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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require
experience
 from applicants, which means
teens
 who have voluntary
experience
 are more likely to get better job
opportunity
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opportunities
show examples
. In
term
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terms
show examples
 of
society
, voluntary
work
 can contribute to
fights
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fighting
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 diseases .
For instance
, when the Covid-19 pandemic , many hospitals around the world required volunteers in order to raise awareness among the public
how
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on how
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 to stay healthy and prevent
spread
Correct article usage
the spread
show examples
Change preposition
of this
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
viurs
Correct your spelling
viruses
.
Moreover
, voluntary
work
 can help adolescents to exploit their free time
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 valuable
works
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work
show examples
instead
 of
commite
Correct your spelling
commit
commute
crime
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crimes
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 or using drugs, which
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can assist to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violence in
society
. In conclusion, I totally believe voluntary
work
sholud
Correct your spelling
should
 be obligatory for all adolescents ,
becaue
Correct your spelling
because
 it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
a positive effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
a positive effect
positive effects
show examples
 on
teens
 themselves
as well as
society
.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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