IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Topic: many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or disadvantages?

#topic #people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
One of the most controversial issues today is related of spend more hours at
work
. So no time for any entertainment and free time. I think the disadvantage outweighs the advantages. In
this
 essay, I’m going to examine
this
 question and write my own opinion. On the one hand of view, staying longer at
work
 affect your social
life
.
Moreover
, might be reduced your communication with your family and friends.
Although
, you will miss many of the celebrations.
Additionally
, working for long hours makes you feel depressed. One good illustration of
this
 is Japan had the most rated depression and suicide.
Thus
, employees
work
 for 17 hours per day.
On the other hand
 of view, there are a few advantages.
Firstly
, you will be successful in your
work
 and have more experience than others.
Secondly
, staying in the office longer than your colleague makes your manager trust you much more.
Also
, Many people decided their first years on the job, had to be more
work
 and little free time. So that makes them in a good position and have a higher salary.
For example
, my father when I was a child was not around us he was always at
work
.
However
 now I’m so proud and grateful to have a dad like him, he made our
life
 convenient
also
 I do not need to think about money. In conclusion, it seems to me the disadvantages outweigh the benefits, it is really effective in a bad way in your
life
 nothing deserved to lose your
life
 and to feel depressed. Leisure is not luxury it is necessary.
Submitted by maryamabugela on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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