IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Doctors recommend that older people exercise regularly. However, many of them do not get enough exercise. What are the reasons? What can be done to encourage them to exercise more?

#doctors #people #exercise
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Despite the doctors' recommendations a huge amount of old
people
Use synonyms
 do not get enough exercise.
Use synonyms
Lack
Correct article usage
The lack
show examples
 of
facilities
Use synonyms
 can be seen as a reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation. They do not have enough state
sports
Use synonyms
 centres
also
Linking Words
 they can not afford private ones. Governments can fix these problems
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 increasing the number of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
. From my point of view, they do not do
sports
Use synonyms
 because they face with
lack
Use synonyms
 of
facilities
Use synonyms
. Old
people
Use synonyms
 love
place
Add an article
the place
show examples
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 they live. They do not want to go out of their
comfort
Use synonyms
zone
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
 places for exercising should be carried next to them. If they had
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
places for exercising in their
comfort
Use synonyms
zone
Use synonyms
 they would not have to exit from their
comfort
Use synonyms
zone
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 they do not earn money because they do not work so they should spend their money carefully. It means that creating new
facilities
Use synonyms
 is not enough alone
also
Linking Words
 these
facilities
Use synonyms
 should be free for elder
people
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, my grandmother should do exercises, she realized that but she does not have
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
. The most logical way to solve
Use synonyms
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of
exercising
Wrong verb form
exercise
show examples
 problem is increasing opportunities. It should be done by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
. Government should support companies
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 giving discounts for private
sports
Use synonyms
 centres
such
Linking Words
 as swimming pools, gyms, tennis courts
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc. They can use discount cards for old
people
Use synonyms
. If it will be cheap or free old
people
Use synonyms
 do not care
money
Change preposition
about money
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
 they can focus
exercising
Change preposition
on exercising
show examples
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 government should open new state
sports
Use synonyms
 centres and it should be free for at least old
people
Use synonyms
. If it will happened old
people
Use synonyms
 do not have to quit
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
comfort
Use synonyms
zone
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
 they encourage old
people
Use synonyms
 who can not
afford
Correct pronoun usage
itafford
show examples
. Like my grandmother. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 doctors say that many of the old
people
Use synonyms
 do not
listen
Add the preposition
tolisten
show examples
 them. They do not do enough exercise because of
Use synonyms
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
facilities
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
 governments should increase the number of
facilities
Use synonyms
 and they should set some sales in already opened private
sports
Use synonyms
 halls.
Submitted by yunussemreozkaya on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • motivation
  • physical limitations
  • lack of time
  • fear of injury
  • exercise facilities
  • misunderstanding
  • benefits of exercise
  • social support
  • poor health conditions
  • awareness
  • appropriate exercises
  • guidance
  • financial constraints
What to do next:
Look at other essays: