IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Today many children and teenagers are overweight and unhealthy. Give reasons to explain why many young people are obese and give some solutions to fix this problem.

#children #teenagers #people
Nowadays, youths are not healthy and have excess weight
due to
 a lot of factors
such
 as diet, mental issues, detached from social activity etc. In
this
 essay, I will be outlining the probable cause and bring ideas to help aid the problem. One of the key factors to obesity is having food nutritionally unbalanced.
For example
, children's junk food are more prone to put on weight and health issues.
Moreover
,
due to
 the development in technologies,they get access to video games pretty easily which causes them to sit in one place and prevents them to get involved in outdoor sports like cycling, swimming, cricket etc. These indoor activities are causing problems for their mental and physical development.
For instance
, a recent survey conducted in the USA has proven adolescents involved in indoor games have a high risk of heart disease and diabetes. There are a lot of aspects that can be followed to mitigate
this
 modern hinder.
Firstly
, parents should not allow the kids to outside food rather they can encourage them to eat at home by introducing delicious and healthy meals.
Secondly
, working out is essential for a good physique. Guardians should do exercise too in order to give support to the minors.
Thirdly
, government and schools should do more sports events which will encourage the youths to participate. To wrap up, awareness needs to come from everybody to resolve the issue as
this
 concerns our future generations.
Submitted by yeahyeamin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Screen time
  • Balanced diet
  • Nutrients
  • Physical education
  • Parental influence
  • Aggressive marketing
  • Emotional stress
  • Coping mechanism
  • Caloric intake
  • Processed foods
  • Nutrient-dense
  • Health awareness
  • Fast food industry
What to do next:
Look at other essays: