IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Today many children and teenagers are overweight and unhealthy. Give reasons to explain why many young people are obese and give some solutions to fix this problem.

#children #teenagers #people
It is irrefutable that obesity has become a common problem among youngsters around the globe. Nowadays, teenagers are being fat
day
 by
day
due to
 several reasons, which will be highlighted in the next paragraphs.
This
 essay will make an effort to suggest measures which will address
this
 prevalent issue. First of all, it is an undeniable fact that youngsters have started spending more time in front of the computer these days compared to the past. They are inactive for a long time on a daily basis, which can cause overweight.
Secondly
, teenagers and children have a balanced diet, which is one of the most popular reasons to become obese. They consume fatty foods like Pizza, Hot-dogs, Hamburgers, and Fries.
Thirdly
, young people are facing a problem
that is
 a lack of exercise since they are very busy every
day
.
Therefore
, doing sports can sometimes be the
last
 thing on their list with a schedule filled with different classes and after-school activities. They have a deficiency in exercise which is another reason for being fat. The Solutions are very simple.
To begin
 ,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
  parents should teach their children about the consequences of addiction to computers and should set a certain time for their children to play computer games.
Moreover
, youngsters should learn the downsides of fast food and parents should make them understand that they should eat more fruits ,vegetables and other products ,which have more nutritious value than junk food
,
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 because they can help teenagers to have a controlled diet and be healthy.
Furthermore
, young people should spend normal hours on curricular activities and doing exercise. They should be allowed to choose a sport they enjoy and help them to fit it into their daily routine. I believe that if these steps are taken, the problem of overweight will be addressed.
To sum up
, it can be reiterated that people are facing obesity every
day
.
This
 essay made an effort to highlight the causes of
this
 issue and give some simple solutions to it.
Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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