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Band 3

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#technologies #children #time #trend
Indeed
use
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the use
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 of technology has become one of our vital
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
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 in
this
 modern world and because of
that
Add a comma
,that
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 we can do things more easily and quickly. But What
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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matters
for
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to
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 me is how to use
internet
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the internet
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 correctly in order to benefit everybody now I want to inform you
some
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of some
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 interesting facts about over
using
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use
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 of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
impacts
Correct subject-verb agreement
impact
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researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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 has shown being
regulary
Correct your spelling
regularly
 in touch with
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 will cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visual impairment and
also
 increase anxiety ,stress and social isolation which can lead the child to depression now think of the hours
you
Correct pronoun usage
your
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 child
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
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on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing video games ,watching videos on
you tube
Correct your spelling
youtube
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 chatting with friends and etc
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 screen time is excessively high and
its
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it's
it is
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 not beneficial to them at all
moreover
, they don’t spend time hanging out with friends outside, doing physical activities
such
 as playing football
wont
Add an apostrophe
won't
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 learn how to defeat in a real game and win again how to make perfect relations and see the real facial expressions they miss all of these perfect experiences . We are attached to what we do the most in a day and if you are busy playing with your cellphone and checking your social media you gradually lose the
attachments
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attachment
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 to your family and friends.
At
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In
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 the
end
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,end
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 I need to admit that we must teach our young generation how to use
Add an article
the internet
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internet
Correct your spelling
Internet
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 correctly at school or at home just before giving them devices and endless
internet
 and
make
Wrong verb form
making
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 an
internet addicted
Add a hyphen
internet-addicted
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 person out of it.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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