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Band 5.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative a negative development?

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative a negative development?
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Nowadays, many young people tend to waste their time by using modern technologies. Some of them spend their whole day using
smartphones
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. I think it is a bad tendency and in future can have bad consequences. First of all,
smartphones
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 are an important part of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 and have a significant impact on our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Their appearance was a gradual process for many adults .
However
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 many youngsters, who were born after 2004 can not imagine their life without
this
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 device. Because, it becomes part of their personality and has a key role in daily processes,
such
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 as
education
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, and communication.
Also
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, many of them have a serious addiction and can not live without it.
For instance
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, there is a common argument that youth are more addicted than adults.
Moreover
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, many of them are wasting their time by watching useless videos and using apps, that do not have any good purpose. If society helps to behave a cultural usage of
smartphones
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, youth will have more benefits.
On the other hand
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, there are a lot of programs which help us to gain knowledge faster. In recent years, teachers and IT companies have created a lot of useful applications for educational purposes.
For example
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, Kahoot is an app, which makes testing and lessons process more exciting.
This
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 kind of application makes
education
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 much more interesting than before. In conclusion,
technologies
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technology
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play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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 a key role in
education
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 and soon will change the method of
education
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 in general.
However
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, we should
make
Verb problem
provide
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proper instructions
for encouraging
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to encourage
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 future generations who may not understand how to use
smartphones
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 and these apps.

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Task Achievement
Ensure you answer all parts of the question. For example, in this essay, you have not clearly stated why children spend many hours on smartphones.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to avoid repetition of ideas. Explore multiple angles to make your essay more comprehensive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on your structure. Transition smoothly from one point to another to maintain a logical flow.
Task Achievement
Ensure your examples directly relate to the topic at hand. This will add more relevance and credibility to your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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