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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the percentage of people going to cinemas in one European country on different days.

The graph below shows the percentage of people going to cinemas in one European country on different days.
This
Linking Words
 bar chart depicts the
ratio
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 going to
cinemas
Use synonyms
 on days of the week in one Europe country. It is clear from the graph that, Saturday had the highest percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who are going to
cinemas
Use synonyms
 of all time.
According to
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 what is shown, on Monday the
ratio
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who went to
cinemas
Use synonyms
 was 2% in 2003. After
that
Add a comma
,that
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 the number increased nearly by 4
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to reach 14% in 2005 . And as for
2007
Add a comma
,2007
show examples
 the percentage decreased to represent approximately 12 per cent . On Wednesday the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who went to
cinemas
Use synonyms
 was about 15% but it dropped gradually between 2003 and 2007 to reach 8%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, on Friday the number consisted the same from 2003 to 2007,
whereas
Linking Words
 on Saturday the
ratio
Use synonyms
 was 40% in 2003 but it soared nearly 5 percent to
accounts
Wrong verb form
account
show examples
 for 45% in 2005. After that, the percentage dipped to 42% in 2007.
To sum up
Linking Words
, we could say on Friday, Saturday and Sunday the
ratio
Use synonyms
 was
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 highest compared to the rest of the weekdays.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words ratio, people, cinemas with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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